


i want it all if i'm next to you

by zyixings



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Married Life, SO MUCH FLUFF, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, jeongcheol as parents, well this is SOFT youve been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:24:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22827391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zyixings/pseuds/zyixings
Summary: “But we’ve never talked about children.” Jeonghan finally says what’s been in his mind these past months. Whenever he thought about bringing it up, a deep, undesired fear settled in his mind and heart. He is terrified of running into something unknown and as huge as children and messing up the precious life he’s built with Seungcheol."But we could?"OrSeungcheol and Jeonghan's life as parents after adopting Seungkwan and Chan.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 58
Kudos: 251





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first fic ever, so i'd like to apologise first for any mistakes or inaccuracies. english is not my first language and i've kept the context vague.
> 
> i've jumped on the parents!jeongcheol bandwagon. honestly, kid fics are my favourites ever so i couldn't resist it. i hope you enjoy this fluffy work!

Two pairs of chubby cheeks and round eyes greet Jeonghan. There is so much expression to them that he cannot do anything but stare for a while. His hands feel terribly heavy though, so when he reaches out, it takes minutes, hours, days to complete the caress. He feels heavy with something unknown but also with tons of affection for the sweet faces in front of him.

His hand is still halfway through trying to pet them when he realises they’re being taken away from him. A terrible sense of loss irrationally invades him then, and he tries to reach them but he can’t, they’re going away too fast.

He wakes up shaken, almost sitting up in his bed.

He really must have moved a lot because the body next to his stirs and sleepy eyes look up at him. “You okay?” Seungcheol’s voice is a bit rough and deeper with slumber, and Jeonghan feels sorry he woke him up. 

Jeonghan is still half-sitting up. “Yeah, it was just a weird dream and it startled me. I can’t remember much now though.” That is a lie, but he doesn’t know how to explain the whole thing to Seungcheol yet.

His husband hums. For a moment Jeonghan’s mind flies back to the images of his dream, to cute noses and pink little lips, but then he feels an arm around his waist bringing him back to bed.

“We still have half an hour before the alarm goes off,” Seuncheol informs him, “so come cuddle me until we have to actually get up. Then maybe tell me what your dream was about, if you want.”

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything to that but he cuddles up to Seungcheol, who presses a soft kiss to the top of his head. He represses a sigh because he hopes not to worry his husband with his behaviour. If Jeonghan had a clue of what his feelings were, he was sure he would tell him everything. However, he is still mostly confused and he hates that feeling.

His arms tighten around Seungcheol’s torso, and he closes eyes but even if he had the time, it would be impossible for him to fall asleep again. He tries to relax at least, but two pairs of the most beautiful eyes he’s seen in years don’t let his mind quiet down.

Jeonghan loves his job. He’s usually not involved with cases, but he gets to know a lot about them because of his coworkers. He works at the social services agency of their town. His closest friend at work, Seokmin, is an actual social worker and Jeonghan has an administrative position, in charge of other areas. He usually is too caught up with his own paperwork to get into any fieldwork as Seokmin refers to it, but he enjoys knowing about the cases. He can’t help it but feel interested.

The first thing Jeonghan has to do that day might not be the _first _one he _has to_ do. But that’s how he feels as soon as he arrives. So instead of going through his usual routine or going to his boss, he calls some of the foster families on his contacts. He has to do it anyway he says to himself. He confirms the time Seokmin has to pick up the children as well as the time for a meeting with their possible next foster family.

Once he’s done with that, Jeonghan is fidgety for the rest of the day. He goes through the day’s tasks efficiently, but it’s mostly automatic. His mind is someplace else, with someone else.

The day he meets them, their job is loud. And everyone, for some godforsaken reason, seems to be running in circles. It’s a mess and Jeonghan is grateful he has an actual office at times like this. There are women arguing heatedly with one of the workers, and kids crying, and teenagers refusing to answer simple questions, and overall it’s just chaos.

He doesn’t notice Seokmin following him until he’s almost entering his office to hide away, but when he does, he knows he won’t like it.

“Hyung~” Seokmin starts, trying to act cute. Jeonghan eyes him suspiciously but plays along.

“Seokminnie~ How can your best hyung help you today?” He smiles brightly at the younger boy, who just mirrors him and feels encouraged.

“Please let the children from my case stay in your office for a while, hyung.” Seokmin always goes straight to the point and Jeonghan likes that about him, even if he doesn’t like what he’s asking for very much. “The desk zone is too messy and they’re scared. We just brought them here from an awful family situation and they’re tired and afraid. Let us go with you until it all tones down a bit.”

Jeonghan really hates Seokmin’s face sometimes. He’s so weak for his cute younger friend.

“It’s okay, Seokminnie, bring them in. But you have to stay with me too. I can’t actually look after them.”

“Of course!”

“And you have to treat me to lunch today. Maybe tomorrow too, since they’re more than one kid,” he adds offhandedly, entering his office. Seokmin huffs a laugh but doesn’t answer, just goes back into the black hole to bring the children with him.

From that day on, Jeonghan’s heart is sold.

Even if he’s not ready to admit it yet.

When something troubles Jeonghan’s mind, Seungcheol knows he has to give him time and space. A few years ago, Jeonghan was more than used to hiding it all from him quite successfully, but with time, he’s come to recognise his husband’s silences and sighs, his spacing out and his non-committal answers.

It’s not as if it was too noticeable. Again, Jeonghan needed time to figure himself out before going to him, so, usually, he’d patiently wait.

This time seems different.

Jeonghan usually doesn’t let his troubling thoughts get in the way of his life. He spaces out and he seems distant from time to time, but he still gets things done as well as always. He works, meets their friends, does his chores, spends time with Seungcheol and makes time for himself. He may not be as active or as outgoing if something is on his mind, but he’s told Seungcheol that actually going on with his life at times like those makes all the thinking more bearable.

So when Jeonghan doesn’t talk to him about his days at work, and when he’s forgotten twice about starting or checking on a meal, Seungcheol decides he needs to be the one approaching him this time.

It’s not how things usually go for them, but Seungcheol can't continue waiting and doing nothing while his lovely husband is bothered by something important this time.

Jeonghan is sitting on their couch when Seungcheol gets home from the hospital he works at that day. He doesn’t get up immediately, too caught up in his mind for a few moments until he looks up at him with a smile. “How was your day, Cheollie?” Jeonghan tries to tug Seungcheol on to the couch with him but the older man escapes his grip with a grin and goes to their room to get out of his work clothes.

“It was okay. We only had checkups and colds today so it was all calm” he replies from their bedroom. He goes back to Jeonghan and settles next to him. He throws an arm over his shoulder and kisses his cheek. “How about you, angel?”

“It was a quiet day for me too,” is all Jeonghan says. He settles his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder and he becomes silent again.

After a while, Seungcheol thinks _now or never_. He really feels like Jeonghan needs a little push to open up to him this time. He places his hand on Jeonghan’s chin and pulls away a bit to look at him. “What’s been on your mind lately, Hani?” he looks into his eyes as he asks, just to try to read him but hoping Jeonghan knows he still can refuse to answer.

Jeonghan bites his lip for a second and runs away from Seungcheol’s hold. He makes a few unintelligible noises and hides his face in the elder’s neck.

Seungcheol chuckles at his reaction. It may not be something _bad_ then, he thinks. “Is this about work?” He tries to get him started on monosyllabic responses and feels Jeonghan nodding, still hiding in his neck. “Did something happen at the office?” Jeonghan shakes his head then, giving Seungcheol just one last question to ask. “So is it about a case?”

Jeonghan sighs and replies softly “Yes.” His arms sneak around Seungcheol.

“Will you tell me what the case is about?”

He closes his eyes for a second and decides there is no point in trying to hide his thoughts any longer. It has been going on for too long anyway. This has concerned Seungcheol too since day one. His mind goes back to the day he met the kids, months ago, and how different he felt when he saw them.

“These are basically _babies_, Seokminnie, not children,” he comments as Seokmin comes in pushing a stroller with one arm and carrying a toddler with the other one. Jeonghan has no idea how he’s managing that but he figures he must have really wanted to escape the crowded area as fast as possible.

“Well, yeah. Kwannie here is almost three years old,” Seokmin introduces as he closes the door. He’s left the stroller in the middle of the office where Jeonghan goes to peek at the youngest baby. “And that is Channie, he’s ten months old actually, really a cute baby,” he’s talking about just of one them but makes a point to make cute faces and coo at the two.

Jeonghan is smiling himself as he looks at the baby Seokmin called Channie. He’s mostly sitting and chewing on a pacifier but there are tears down his cheeks and his clothes are wrinkled from all the fussing around. The other kid is clinging to Seokmin as if his life depended on it.

They look adorable, even when obviously distressed and tired. Jeonghan’s whole being is filled with a surge of protectiveness he often feels about the children he meets at his job, but that time it is different, it hits much more strongly.

“What was the situation?” he asks seriously. He hated seeing children like this. He had a few theories in mind already.

“Family negligence and abandonment,” Seokmin begins. Jeonghan hates cases related to children the most. It is always terrible to hear. “They both have different family names so we know they’re actually half brothers, from different fathers but the same mother. The team is trying to contact them but I guess we know better by now. If we find them, they’ll most likely be fined and taken to court, so we’re trying to settle for a foster home right now.”

“The mom?”

“I don’t think you want the details, hyung. But we’ve confirmed it and we are sure she is not capable of tending to them in her current state. It was a very precarious situation,” Seokmin says this as he sits down with the oldest baby, and brings the stroller closer to him. Jeonghan’s heart is hurting with sadness at the unfairness, but Seokmin goes on talking. “They really hate being apart from each other, you know. If Chan does not see Seungkwan for too long, he starts screaming and nothing would calm him down but Seungkwan’s presence. Same goes for Kwannie here, right baby?~ You love each other so much, hm?”

Seokmin changes his tone when he addresses him and he keeps rocking him back and forth in an attempt to have toddler relax into his arms.

As if on cue, Chan starts crying then and Seungkwan looks anxiously around him. “Would you hold him up, hyung? He’s been there for too long, he’s probably uncomfortable.” Jeonghan cannot resist it, and instead of coming up with a snark reply for Seokmin, he takes the baby out of his stroller. He’s kicking and cries louder. Jeonghan quickly sits next to Seokmin so he’s near his brother.

“Here, baby, Seungkwannie’s here, see?” He mumbles softly and accommodates him into his arms as best as he can. Chan seems to feel very irritated and continues wailing while Jeonghan tries to shush him tenderly.

He ends up standing up with the baby, walking around and saying comforting, meaningless words to him. Chan has very dark hair, almost completely black and eyes that have almost the same colour. He’s relentless in Jeonghan’s arms, making it very difficult for him to hold him in one position.

After much more screaming on Chan’s part, Jeonghan grabs his bottle from the stroller. It only has water so he tries to feed it to him figuring Chan will most likely want it after all his crying. He is right, of course, and continues to walk around the office trying to calm him down. He even makes him burp after the baby downed the whole bottle, and he seems more relaxed then. Chan even cuddles up to Jeonghan from where is sitting on the adult’s hip, and something in Jeonghan’s heart softens as he holds the baby with a firmer grip around him. He stays like that for a few minutes.

“You’re so good with him, hyung.” Seokmin finally comments from the couch where he and Seungkwan are sprawled on. “He has been a little menace all morning, he even bite me once.”

“Don’t call him that.” Jeonghan tries to sound admonishing but it’s not that effective with his arms full of baby. “They must feel so scared. They’re probably hungry too...”

“I can go real quick to a grocery store and buy something for them! I have to leave you for a minute now anyway; I need to get some paperwork done.”

“You’re leaving them here with me?” Jeonghan specifically asked him to stay, he’s not confident with children so little and Seokmin just can’t leave him alone with two toddlers.

“Channie is asleep already!” he whispers then, even if it was quite loudly. Jeonghan looks down and confirms that Chan has fallen asleep in his arms. He wants to squish his cheeks and maybe peck his nose too but he focuses on his friend trying to escape.

“Seokmin, I told you l’d have them here if you’d helped me,” very slowly, Jeonghan puts down Chan on his stroller again. The baby doesn’t resist being moved which shows how exhausted he must feel.

“It’ll be just for a very short while, hyung! Channie is asleep and Seungkwannie will be a good boy, right? The very best one!” He gets up and hands Seungkwan over to Jeonghan who holds him close instinctively. “I promise, I will just sign a few things and run to get them something to eat and be back.”

Jeonghan sighs. “Okay, hurry, get out of here now,” he kicks him out and Seokmin takes off running, which makes him smile a bit. When he looks at the other baby in his arms, Jeonghan’s heart freezes because he sees him quietly crying again.

“Shh,” Jeonghan caresses Seungkwan’s back and hair; moves around his office again, “everything will be okay, baby, don’t cry” Seungkwan’s hair and eyes are the same colour too, but his are a bit lighter than Chan’s, shy of reaching a honeyed hue.

“I want to go home,” Seungkwan says into his neck. “I want to go with Chan.” Seungkwan clings to him but Jeonghan knows his energy is completely drained too. He hugs him with all of his feelings pouring into it, feelings he cannot quite identify yet but he doesn’t let go for a long while.

“You’ll both be home soon, sweetie.”

Later that day, when Seokmin finally leaves his office with the children, he misses them immediately.

When Jeonghan finishes telling him about the case circumstances, Seungcheol is frowning. He understands better now why Jeonghan has been so apprehensive. He knows his husband chooses not to know much about children’s cases because he’s a bit thin-skinned when it comes to kids, and he doesn’t want his feelings to get the best of him during work hours.

“So you’ve been worried about them,” Seungcheol concludes.

“Yes,” Jeonghan says quietly, “they’re just so little and they’ve been through a lot. We’re trying to change their foster family in a few weeks because the current one has reported problems with them. They usually take in teens and older kids and now they want to shorten the period of time they were assigned to be with them,” he explains. “Seokmin and I are calling all of our options because we both think they’re too young for an orphanage, and we don’t want them to be separated. They’d hate that.” That’s the most Jeonghan has talked so far and Seungcheol is feeling concerned as well by now.

“And you’ve found a new foster family?”

“We think so. We’ll be checking in on some candidates this week, just to conduct regular surveys about the families too.”

Seungcheol hums. Jeonghan is still looking distressed, as if talking about it meant giving his concerns free rein.

“When was the last time you saw them?”

“Almost two months ago, when they came to the agency so their current foster family could pick them up. Seokmin took them to their health check-up a week ago and told me they were doing fine but still are uncomfortable around most adults.” He pauses then, thinking about that time. “They must be so big now, and Channie’s probably walking too...” he mumbles.

“Channie? That’s a cute name,” Seungcheol comments casually still looking attentively at Jeonghan’s facial expressions.

“They are so cute!” Jeonghan says happily. “Look, I took a picture of them that last time because they fell asleep together and they looked adorable.” He takes up his phone and scrolls quickly coming up with a picture for his husband to see.

In the picture, the two toddlers are sleeping together on Jeonghan’s couch in his office. They’re sitting close, cuddling, drool down their little chins and messy hair in all directions. He smiles fondly at them because they are awfully cute indeed, and is even more endeared by the love-struck expression on Jeonghan’s face.

“Aren’t they the cutest? They behaved so well that day. Seungkwan is the oldest one and he was in such a playful mood.” Jeonghan goes on and on about what they did, about how he saw Chan’s smile for the first time that time, because both children have been nervous with the whole process before; and how Seungkwan drew so many hearts in one of Jeonghan’s planners just because he loved Jeonghan’s colourful markers.

Seungcheol realises this is much more than just Jeonghan being too involved with a case he’ll help resolve and forget about. His twinkling eyes and huge smile tell him there is still more.

“So you really like them and want to help them stay together?” He grabs his husband’s hands in his.

“Yes,” his answer is firm. “I wish I could do more for them, they deserve it. They even bite Seokmin when he’s being too loud or annoying.” Seungcheol laughs at that, and starts rubbing circles in Jeonghan’s hands when he asks:

“Should we take them in?”

The younger man’s expression blanks for a second. Then his eyes widen and he seems flustered. “What– how– You mean being a foster family?”

“Well, that is an option too, right? But I meant adopting them.”

Jeonghan’s eyes are fixed on his face as if he didn’t recognise him. “What are you saying?” He sounds so confused Seungcheol frowns.

“Is that not what you want? You’ve seen them a handful of times and you’re so enamoured already... I thought you were acting like this because you wanted to take them in?”

“But we’ve never talked about children.” Jeonghan finally says what’s been in his mind these past months. Whenever he thought about bringing it up, a deep, undesired fear settled in his mind and heart.

Truly, they’ve never discussed children. There’s seemed to be no need to. Their life is comfortable, is good. They get along perfectly and have the freedom to do almost anything. Their jobs pay well and their schedules match most of the times so they can indulge in each other. They may not be the wildest party animals in their group of friends but they have an active social life and a wider circle of acquaintances. Their families don’t live next door but they live near enough for them to visit whenever they want.

Their life is good, stable, wonderful. He doesn’t want to ruin what they have just because he couldn’t stop thinking about children he met at the agency a few times. He meets children there all the time. He knows about their lives, even if it's just in general terms. He could’ve asked for help at his own job if they had wanted to apply to adopt, and even have some advantages.

Jeonghan is terrified of running into something unknown and as huge as children and messing up the precious life he’s built with Seungcheol. Not only for their sakes, but for the children’s as well.

He is aware people expect them to be parents someday, simply because his husband is so good with children. Being a paediatrician, Seungcheol knows his way around children most of the times, but in reality, he’s just a natural with them. Kids love him. He’s the adult his friend’s children always go to at meetings because he’s just so good with them. He knows everyone knows that, yet they have never touched the topic of having their own kids before.

“But we could? We have space and we have savings that could be for them. ”

Seungcheol’s worries don’t really match Jeonghan’s. In a corner of his mind, he’s too embarrassed to tell his husband he is afraid he won’t be a good parent; afraid of disappointing him if he fails; afraid of ruining their relationship if things don’t end up working out. And especially, afraid of not being able to be the adult figure Seungkwan and Chan deserve in their lives.

He knows that would Seungcheol ever come to him with thoughts similar to those, he’d dissipate them immediately. Nonetheless, his insecurities have gotten the best of him and he’s let those pessimistic feelings take over for months. He’s been so engrossed with his own thoughts that he didn’t even consider talking to Seungcheol about it in a completely honest way until he confronted him directly.

He must have stayed silent for way too long because Seungcheol speaks again. “You’re not worried about those things, are you?”

“I just– I don’t– ... what if things go wrong?”

Seungcheol makes him look up at him again. “Like what?”

“I don’t know... What if we are diving headfirst into things too fast? What if we end up unhappy or just not cut out for it? Our life together is so good right now...”

“Han, the fact that we are in a good place right now is a solid start for us to consider adopting. You know that if we were having problems, kids would not fix them.”

Ugh, he is right and Jeonghan knows it but his heart is beating fast and it’s not on the best terms with logic right now.

“But we’ve never talked about this. I never knew you wanted to start a family.” He lets this out with a hint of insecurity, thinking of all the people who have told him or Seungcheol himself how good of a dad he would be someday.

“Well, I married you, didn’t I? I just guess there are implications to that.” He tries to sound reasoning but Jeonghan frowns.

“You know I’m not about implications; especially not about life-changing decisions such as children.”

Seungcheol looks at him sheepishly then. The elder should have known that wasn’t going to help him get Jeonghan out of his controlled emotional turmoil. He only has one option then. He cups Jeonghan’s face with both of his hands and he leans in close to him, their noses almost touching. He makes a point of deliberately looking into Jeonghan’s eyes when he says:

“I’d love to start a family with you, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan can't possible stand the beating of his heart, nor the heat of his cheeks. He hurries out of Seungcheol’s grasp again and hits him on the chest repeatedly.

“You can’t just say that when I’m literally seconds away from getting into a car and bringing them here with me by force.” This makes Seungcheol laugh for a good minute while he tries to catch Jeonghan’s hands to stop the aggression.

“So you _do_ want to take them in! I knew it! And don’t do that, it will just look bad on our record when we apply.”

“Stop it!” The way in which Seungcheol is speaking, as if everything is settled, only makes Jeonghan’s hits to his chest increase in speed and strength.

“You stop it!” Seungcheol is still laughing and he finally catches both of his husband's hands in his. “Even if it has been heavily implied, I am going to ask you this anyway because you are a man who is upfront about things, and doesn’t like implications,” there’s obvious irony to his tone, but Jeonghan merely scoffs. “Han, would you like to start a family with me?”

“I don’t know now,” he grumbles without meaning it, but Seungcheol is a big baby and starts whining immediately.

“Yah, you’re hurting my feelings,” he is pouting, and Jeonghan wants to simultaneously kiss him and smack him. He settles for pressing close to him. He rests his head on Seungcheol’s shoulder again.

“Of course I’d love to. You’d be a wonderful dad, by the way.” He places a kiss to the other’s neck as a peace offering.

“You’d be too, baby.” Seungcheol is playing with Jeonghan’s light brown hair, twirling it around his fingers, a habit he developed early into their relationship.

“I’m not so sure,” he says this quietly but his husband catches it and frowns a little without the younger noticing it.

“Ask any of our friends, Han. They’d all agree you’d be an excellent dad.”

“Mothering our friends through hangovers and breakups is not the same as being a parent, Cheol.”

“But it’s not just that,” Seungcheol insists. “You’re responsible and caring. You’re affectionate and level-headed. You’re so emotionally intelligent you can read and get along with people you’ve barely talked to before. Your character is really suited for this, Han.” Jeonghan is running his fingers along his chest, drawing vague forms, but remains silent. “You’d be so good with them,” Seungcheol continues softly “you’d be so loving, and I’m sure they will adore you.”

“So what will _you_ do then?” Jeonghan tries to tease him but his cheeks are burning and he hopes Seungcheol does not feel it.

“I’d be the cool dad,” he offers at once. “I’d play with them and teach them stuff, but I’d also scold them and ground them when necessary.”

“First of all, you’re not cool. Like, at all. Second of all, there’s no way you’d be the one scolding them. You’re too weak.” Jeonghan is laughing now, and the older loves it, even if it is at his own expense.

“Hey! I am firm with kids! How do you think I manage around dozens of them at my office every day? They don’t just sit quietly and let me work.”

“That’s because you somehow always manage to charm kids into doing what you want, not because there’s anything about you saying ‘discipline’. You’re basically a child whisperer, but that does not make you the firm parent,” Jeonghan finishes with a smile on his face, picturing it all.

“I see you’re not so nervous now, since you’re pointing out my weaknesses so happily,” Seungcheol complains, but he’s smiling too.

“I am. I am still nervous but I’m happy I’ve told you about it, and I’m happy you’d like to have them too...” He clings to Seungcheol in a way he doesn’t usually do but he can’t help it. He’s feeling so overwhelmed by their conversation at that moment that he needs him close, as close as he can get.

“But you think we are not ready to take that step yet?” Seungcheol asks against Jeonghan’s hair and holds him close too.

“I don’t know, I don’t think it’s that. It’s just such a big decision... I am scared things will change between us. I just don’t want to lose what we have now.” That’s been the most difficult thing to admit, but he’s finally done it. He expects Seungcheol to dismiss his worries, to tell him that everything will be okay. He’s more curious when his husband pauses for much longer than he expects.

“Hani, you know I’d never want to do anything to hurt you, right?” Seungcheol finally says. 

Jeonghan looks up at him upon hearing his words. “Of course I know that. I would never want to hurt you either.”

“And you know that you’re the person I love and trust the most in my life, right?”

Jeonghan furrows his brow confusedly, not knowing where Seungcheol is going by saying all that. “I know. I love you and I trust you the most too.”

“And I’m scared too, you know. I’m scared because I know it’s not going to be easy. Both of us work around people and families every day. We know it’s not going to be easy.” Seungcheol is looking at him with purpose again, trying to get him to understand what he means. “But it’s okay to be scared because I trust you. I trust us. And I don’t want to lose a chance to do something we both want just because our fears paralysed us.” Jeonghan’s face becomes unreadable to Seungcheol, and he gets nervous. “But if you really think this is not the right time we could wait more, you know?” he lets out quickly, but as soon as he finishes, Jeonghan puts his hands on his neck and kisses him gently, lips moving slowly against his.

Seungcheol responds naturally and his arms circle Jeonghan’s waist, stroking his back affectionately. They part from each other and the older kisses Jeonghan’s cheeks and nose, pecks him on the lips once more and finally presses their foreheads together. Jeonghan is looking at him as if he was something to be cherished, even if he’d never admit to such tender expression.

“What do you say, angel? Should we try?”

“I say I want you all to meet one another first,” Jeonghan says gleefully and kisses Seungcheol deeply once more, enjoying the smile on the elder’s lips and his pleased hum. He closes his eyes and lets contentment and warmth take over his body.

Seungcheol suggests he could do the children’s next health check-up since he’s worked with the social services agency before. Jeonghan thinks it could raise suspicions about their intentions if they did that, so he tells him to bring lunch to him the day the kids are coming to the office. He’s been panicking though, and his mind suggests this is the more suspicious move now. However, he can’t change the plan.

He tries to focus his mind on the positive side, and ends up bubbling with excitement over Seungcheol meeting the kids. He simply is too eager to see his reactions, to see if he’d like them as much as he does. Jeonghan knows his husband loves children in general but he also wants him to picture these kids as _theirs. _He’s worked through his tasks and paperwork so fast that day, completing it all as a way to have time for the kids when they arrive as well as to keep his mind occupied while he waits.

Seungcheol arrives first. He’s a bit earlier than Jeonghan expects him, and he can’t help the giddiness he feels upon seeing his smile once he’s inside his office. He’s got takeout bags and some food for the children too. Jeonghan hugs him right away.

“How’s your day been, angel?” Seungcheol sounds excited as well. He’s resting his hands on Jeonghan’s hips, bags forgotten on the desk.

Jeonghan’s arms are resting on his husband’s shoulders. He starts rambling about everything’s been doing and how he had to tell Seokmin why he arranged for him to bring the children a bit earlier to the office, since he would not leave him to work in peace until he did.

“So now he knows,” he mumbles. “I could have tolerated his annoying self for much longer but I needed to talk to someone about it.” He’s obviously irritated at himself for giving in first, but Seungcheol is glad he did.

“He was going to find out soon anyways, he works here with you,” he points out.

“Still. I shouldn’t let him think he’s beaten me.”

Seungcheol chuckles at his petulant expression and leans in to kiss him. As Jeonghan kisses him back sweetly, the door flies open and tiny steps are stopped in his tracks. They separate immediately and look down at the toddler that is staring at them confusedly.

“Jeonghannie-hyung?” Seungkwan’s eyes are wide as saucers looking at them. He looks hesitantly at Seungcheol whose kind gaze is focused on him. Jeonghan crouches down to his level.

“Hi Seungkwannie! Will you hug me? I’ve missed you!” Seungkwan throws himself into Jeonghan’s open arms and hides his face, making the adult giggle as he picks him up and goes back to Seungcheol. “I want you to meet someone, baby.”

Seungkwan is looking at Seungcheol from Jeonghan’s shoulder, still clinging to him. He decides Seokmin must be waiting in the hallway with Chan, trying to spy on them.

“Hello, Seungkwan! My name is Seungcheol. How old are you?” Seungcheol is looking at Seungkwan with all of his attention, smiling at him, starting up the child whisperer act. Seungkwan holds up three fingers and looks at him just as intently albeit shyly.

“Wow, such a big boy! What does Seungkwannie like to do?”

Seungkwan lights up a bit at that question. “Dancing!” he replies animatedly. _Ah_, Jeonghan thinks, _this is it_.

Seungcheol gasps as if Seungkwan has said exactly what’s been in his mind the whole time. “Will you dance with me, Seungkwannie? I really love dancing too!” He extends his arms towards the toddler and Seungkwan goes up to him willingly, excitedly even.

Seungcheol takes him in his arms and starts waltzing around the office, holding Seungkwan’s little hand and bumping him up and down to make him laugh. Unbelievable, he thinks, and he could leave the room since his husband has completely stolen the kid from him.

“Channie!” Seungkwan exclaims, “Channie likes dancing too!”

“Oh? Where is Channie?” Seungcheol stops spinning them around and looks at the kid with the most confused face Jeonghan’s ever seen. Unbelievable, he thinks again.

“With Seokmin-hyung!” he says and points insistently at the door he came through a moment ago. “He said to surprise Jeonghannie-hyung.” Both adults huff a laugh at Seokmin’s ideas and he finally enters the office, pushing the stroller along.

“We are here! Channie and I had really important stuff to do, you know.”

“Hyung, no lies!” Seungkwan’s voice gets louder. They recently learned he’s a very energetic kid. Now that he’s grown comfortable enough around them, he shows it more.

As Seungcheol lets Seungkwan introduce him to his brother, Seokmin says “That was so cute, hyung. I had to hold back my tears.” He is wearing the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, “I can’t believe the day has finally come.”

“Shut up,” Jeonghan mutters as he looks at Seungcheol crouched down in front of the stroller, cooing at Chan and making him play with the dinosaur plushie he always carries around. Seungkwan tugs on his clothes then.

“Hyung, I want the colours.” There’s a wine to his tone Jeonghan will have to practice resisting.

“Of course, baby.” He picks him up and goes to his desk to give him the markers he likes. He won’t affirm or deny he’s bought a few more of them for Seungkwan to play with.

“Not baby!” Seungkwan whines for real then. “I’m a big boy. Chan’s baby.”

“Oww, but you’re a pretty little baby to me,” Jeonghan coos and presses one long, noisy kiss to Seungkwan’s cheek, making the toddler laugh and try to push him away while loudly stating “not a baby!”. He realises he probably should not be smothering the kid with kisses already, and he feels self-conscious, but Seokmin cuts off his thoughts.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Seokmin informs them and he can’t stop smiling and Jeonghan hates seeing the hopeful feelings in his chest mirrored in his friend’s eyes. “I’ll pick them up once the surveys are done.”

“Don’t you need my help with that?” Jeonghan frowns.

“It’s okay, hyung! Enjoy yourself while Cheol-hyung is still here,” he says as he’s still smiling widely at them, especially at how Seungcheol is carrying Chan in his arms now. Jeonghan feels his chest burn again with way too many feelings for him to keep up.

“Thank you, Seokmin-ah,” Seungcheol intervenes then, smiling too. He takes Chan’s little hand to wave at him too. “Let’s meet up with the guys soon. Take care, okay?”

“You too, hyung. I’ll be back later then!”

When they’re both cuddling in bed that night, Jeonghan is still feeling warm and happy from the events of that day. They have yet to talk about it alone, in the intimacy of their bedroom. Seungcheol got a bit late from the hospital and even had had dinner there. They quickly begin talking about the children.

“Their foster family lives very near to the office now,” Jeonghan answers the elder’s questions. “They’re really good people.”

“I’m glad,” Seungcheol says from where is laying on his back with an arm under Jeonghan’s body, “they’re really good kids.”

“Did you like them?” Jeonghan asks, looking at him with stars in his eyes to give him no choice but say yes. It’s not as if saying no was even an option for Seungcheol.

“Of course I did. They’re adorable. I really...” he trails off. He seems overcome with emotions too, and Jeonghan wants to hold him more strongly but he also doesn’t want to stop staring at his face. “I really had fun today. I can see why you’re so fond of them, and I’d love to see them again soon.”

Jeonghan remembers all the little things from that day; the way they looked at each other when Seokmin had left, both of them with a kid in their arms and wearing loving smiles on their faces. They were left speechless for a short while, looking at the picture that was created in that room, at the chance they were thinking of taking. It seemed like a peek into the future, and for a second both of their insides were aching with longing for what was in front of them.

Only for a second though, because the kids reclaimed their attention then and they had to focus completely on them. It was a short time, but it was lovely. They were filled with nervousness and a bit of hesitancy, since they were not their kids yet, and Jeonghan didn’t want to do anything to ruin their chances. Seokmin assured him it was not unprofessional, seeing as Jeonghan was not actually part of the case itself and not an uncommon occurrence at all. Still, he didn’t want to seem too imposing on the kids. It was stupidly difficult because he was a tactile being, affectionate by nature, and they were outrageously cute.

“I’d love that too. I–” he pauses for a while to take a breath. “I can’t stop thinking about it, to be honest.” He gets on top of Seungcheol completely, just because it’s comfortable. Hands lay on the small of his back and he places his arms on his husband’s broad shoulders and his hands on his neck. “I’m terrified out of my skin, you know?”

“Me too,” Seungcheol says, “everything will change, right?”

“Yeah, it will but–”

“I want to know what it’d be like. With you.”

Jeonghan smiles adoringly at his favourite person in the world. He feels so thrilled his eyes fill up with tears. “Oh, God no, I don’t want to cry, it’s just–” his voice breaks and he lowers his head into Seungcheol’s chest. “I just can’t stop thinking about them, and about them here, with you and I and–” he does his best to breath and not to sob.

“I know,” Seungcheol says. He tries to push Jeonghan up on top of him, so they could face each other directly. “I feel the same. And you look really good with kids, you know.”

“I know. We look adorable,” he says and doesn’t compliment back because everyone and their moms know Seungcheol looks amazing with kids.

He doesn’t think back to it often, but he remembers the unmistakable moment when he admitted to himself he was in love with his best friend of years. It was when he saw two kids in the park ran up to him to hug him. Jeonghan doesn’t even remember who those kids were specifically. Seungcheol was big on volunteering for things when they were in college, and sure enough, they met him at a camp or something like that. Seungcheol picked them up and talked excitedly, kissing their cheeks, ruffling their hair. All of Jeonghan’s blood seemed to have gone to his chest then, heart burning with love for the man in front of him.

It was not even about having children with Seungcheol back when that happened. It was about his gentleness, about his gummy smile and his loud laugh. It was about taking the leap, about being brave and stop trying to make his heart stop beating so fast every time they were so much as sitting next to each other.

Their current situation is quite similar, but now they are, in fact, picturing children in their lives. Again, he can’t stop thinking about it and he wants nothing but to take that leap with Seungcheol.

They’re nuzzling into each other silently, breathing the other in. Jeonghan wants to melt into Seungcheol’s touch, wants to memorise the shape and colour of this feeling forever. And that’s when he can finally put words to the chaos his mind has been submerged in for months.

“I love you,” he says looking into Seungcheol’s brown eyes. He goes on before Seungcheol can say it back. “I love you so much. You really have no idea how much,” he’s whispering now, and his husband only looks at him, waiting for him to go on. “And I’m sure I will be able to love Seungkwan and Chan as much as they deserve because I’ll be doing it with you.”

He’s tearing up again. Before he can wipe at his eyes, Seungcheol is turning them around to have Jeonghan lay on his back beneath him. He uses his arms by Jeonghan’s head to support his weight, but Jeonghan brings him closer by gripping his shoulders.

“I love you too, so much,” he’s speaking into Jeonghan’s neck, pressing the softest of kisses to it. Jeonghan’s fingers instinctively run through his hair. “And I can’t wait for them to be here. I can’t wait to see them with you again. I know I’ll be able to be a good dad for them if I’m with you.”

They kiss. It is lazy, thorough. It’s the next best thing they have, apart from sweet promises, to convey how much they mean to each other. The kiss turns wet from both of their tears and they separate smiling, but they can’t keep their lips off the smooth skin on their cheeks and noses and foreheads. Their ribcages seem too small to contain all of their emotions, so they escape through kisses and sighs, caresses and more ‘I love you’s spilling from their lips.

The adoption process lacks some aspects of the emotional stress they went through, but it still causes tons of anxiety on both of them since it includes new ones. His bosses and everyone at his office congratulate them when they announce their intentions. Seungcheol is there with him that day, and they are both elated that everyone received the decision so well. Some of them –mostly Seokmin– scream “Finally!” in the midst of the mess. It gives them hope, reminds them that they actually have a chance. 

To keep it professional, Seungkwan and Chan’s case has to be taken by another agency, so neutral social workers can carry out the interviews, paperwork and such. That means Seungcheol and Jeonghan don’t see the kids until their first official meeting as potential adoptive parents.

“Hyungs!” Seungkwan screams when he enters the room they’re meeting in that day. He runs to Jeonghan again, and the adult almost breaks down crying. The circumstances are different this time.

Seungcheol is greeting the social worker that is carrying a sleeping Chan in her arms this time. She’s a young woman named Jiyeon who has been exceptionally supportive to them, especially after the first interviews were done. She’s leaving them alone for around two hours first, and will be back to ask more questions to the kids later. Seungcheol has Chan asleep in his arms now.

“Why’s Channie sleeping, Kwan?” Jeonghan asks the kid. They’re sitting in a couch, Seungkwan on his lap.

“Bad dream, I think. He cried a lot at night.” He’s frowning and then adds “wake him up! He miss you, hyungs.” They don’t know if that’s truly possible but they feel amazed anyway.

He makes grabby hands at Seungcheol, to have him sit next to them and the older follows blindly. Seungkwan shakes Chan a bit too excitedly saying “Chan! Jeonghan-hyung is here! Cheol-hyung is too!”

“Careful, baby,” Jeonghan says and Seungkwan sends the best glare he can his way. Jeonghan laughs and presses a kiss and a ‘sorry’ to his frown.

Chan stirs, frowning in Seungcheol’s arms. He seems about to start crying when he opens his eyes. He looks up at both of them, frowning and confused. Seungkwan is shaking him again “Come on, Chan! I want to play with Cheol-hyung too!”

It’s obvious that Chan does not recognise them at first. He’s only seen Seungcheol once, and Jeonghan a few times. He’s one year old now, and while they know he’d remember some faces, they’ve haven’t seen the children in weeks. Seungkwan’s enthusiasm seems to appease Chan at least a bit though, because he stops frowning and settles for pouting. He hides his face in Seungcheol’s chest and makes himself more comfortable there. The older is smiling so affectionately at the baby that Jeonghan wishes he could take a million pictures.

Seungkwan does not like that. He gets up to start shaking Chan, and basically lands on top of his brother and Seungcheol. Chan cries a little and Seungcheol steadies Seungkwan with his other arm to have him stand on the couch next to him.

“Hello Seungkwannie,” Seungcheol starts sweetly as he ruffles his hair a bit. “Chan is still very tired. Should we let him with Jeonghan-hyung until he wakes up? Then we can all play altogether.”

Seungkwan is frowning again, but a look at his brother makes him accept the deal. He gets off the couch to run to where his little bag is left on the floor, while Seungcheol lets Chan rest with Jeonghan instead of him. Chan is sleeping soundly so fast Jeonghan worries about what has kept him up at night. He kisses the baby’s forehead and rocks him back and forth. His husband kisses his hair before turning to lift Seungkwan from the floor without him noticing, so fast he effectively makes him scream in delight.

Now that he feels allowed to, Seungcheol manoeuvres Seungkwan into the air, spinning, tickling, you name it. Seungkwan is shrieking loudly, and after a while he tries to reach for Seungcheol’s neck to stable himself. He’s still out of breath and laughing once he’s back in the safety of Seungcheol’s arms. “I want to show you something, hyung,” he says excitedly.

“What is it, baby?” Seungkwan does not automatically correct Seungcheol and Jeonghan is about to protest at such injustice when he notices Chan is awake.

“Oh, look who’s up,” he coos and Chan is looking at him curiously. Seungkwan gets distracted at this and runs to them.

“Channie! Give hyung a kiss! He gives kisses now,” Seungkwan explains as if this was some major development. Jeonghan could have died the moment Chan sits up and kisses the cheek he offers. It’s the cutest kiss he’s ever been given. “Cheol-hyung too,” Seungkwan instructs. Chan leans up to where Seungcheol is crouched next to them and kisses his cheek too.

“Thank you, Channie!” Seungcheol beams at him and caresses his belly. “But I want Seungkwannie’s kisses too,” he pouts exaggeratedly at the oldest child and Seungkwan giggles at his face. He leans in and kisses Seungcheol loudly on the cheek. “Thank you, Seungkwannie, you’re so good,” he kisses his little cheek loudly as well and adds “give a kiss to Jeonghannie too, please?” Seungkwan nods solemnly and gets on the couch with Seungcheol’s help to kiss Jeonghan’s cheek, making him die for the second time that day.

Seungcheol compliments him again and they go back to Seungkwan’s bag. They play with the few toys Seungkwan has brought in his bag. Yet again, their chests constrict with longing for _this_. 

Two hours pass in the blink of an eye and Jiyeon is back. “How’s your afternoon been guys? We’ll be leaving soon, Seungkwannie, please put your toys away.”

“But I want to stay here playing with my hyungs!” There are tears in his eyes. Neither do Jeonghan or Seungcheol know how to react. They haven’t said anything to the kids about why they’re visiting, not wanting to get anyone’s hopes up. Jiyeon hasn’t said anything either apparently because she only smiles understandingly and promises him that he’ll see them again soon.

Seungkwan hugs them both sniffling, “will miss you, hyung,” he says into Jeonghan’s neck and Jeonghan has to be strong to let him go. He says the same to Seungcheol and holds Jiyeon’s extended hand. They kiss Chan goodbye and Jiyeon smiles reassuringly at them.

“I think you won’t have to wait for much longer, guys. Everything seems in order, and once we finish the last details, we’ll probably be calling sooner than you expect. Please be patient for a little longer.”

“We will,” Seungcheol says for both of them, his arm around Jeonghan’s waist. “We’ll wait for you to contact.”

Jiyeon keeps her word. It happens sooner than they expect, even if Seokmin has told them that it will, since most people knew they were perfectly good candidates.

Seungcheol is making dinner while Jeonghan is sitting on his computer looking at some things they should buy for the kids _if _they get to adopt them. He has just finished working on some overdue paperwork and wants to focus his mind on his continuous and recent worry.

He’s comparing diaper prices when Seungcheol’s phone rings next to him. He waits for Seungcheol to tell him to pick it up. When he sees the name, his breath hitches. Seungcheol does not hear him until Jeonghan answers hurriedly.

“Hello? Jiyeon?” At that name Seungcheol’s body stops completely at the kitchen counter, and slowly turns to him.

“Oh, Jeonghan,” she says happily. “Are you two together? I’d like to talk with the both of you, please put me on speaker.” Jeonghan does automatically and Seungcheol stands next to him on the kitchen island. “Ready?” They both reply affirmatively and she goes on, “I am calling to inform you that the process to become legal guardians for Boo Seungkwan and Lee Chan has finished. You both have been deemed fit to be granted full parental rights to take these children under your care. You are to pick them up at court on Tuesday morning two weeks from now, where you shall sign a few more documents. You have to finish the preparations for their rooms and to finish buying their essentials. A co-worker of mine will check that with you next week. Congratulations,” she adds, her tone stopped being so formal and careful and turned cheerful, “you’re going to be parents, guys!”

Seungcheol has completely stopped functioning. Jeonghan chokes on a sob. “Are you for real, Jiyeon? What the fuck–”

“Language, sir, this is an official notification call,” she scolds him jokingly. “It’s true, Jeonghan. Your kids don’t know anything about this yet, so you all should have a talk when you take them home in two weeks.”

_Your kids. Home._

Seungcheol is breathing again, so now Jeonghan can stop. His husband goes over some details with Jiyeon while Jeonghan keeps repeating those words in his head. His kids. _His sons_.

He’s immediately engulfed in a hug as soon as the call ends. He squeezes the living hell out of Seungcheol because he simply cannot let go. Jeonghan buries his face in his husband’s chest and tries to even his breaths. It’s done. The children will be there in two weeks and stay with them forever. All those concepts seem terribly huge then and Jeonghan sobs into Seungcheol’s chest, unable to hold it all in.

“Thank God,” Seungcheol whispers in his hair. He seems to lose his words once again. Jeonghan looks at him with tears streaming down both their cheeks. He starts laughing, standing up to kiss Seungcheol hard. They’re both crying and laughing so the kiss ends quickly, but they stay close to each other, stupidly repeating “_we’re going to be parents_” back and forth.

It’s way too early when they have to pick up the kids at court. Seungkwan and Chan sleep for the whole time Jeonghan and Seungcheol take to sign their last papers, regarding their custody. It’s surreal. They hug Jiyeon tightly, thanking her for her trust and support. She’s tearing up too when she sees their faces. She wishes they would all be the happiest family and lets them go.

When they get home an hour later, each holding a sleeping kid in their arms, it does not begin to feel more plausible at all. They wouldn’t be able to stop smiling to save their lives.

“Let’s go to our room,” Seungcheol suggests and Jeonghan follows happily. They settle in their bed, the kids in between them and under their covers. They cuddle as close as they can without waking them up. They both stare at them with tears threatening to spill down their eyes again.

“They’re so beautiful,” Jeonghan says, voice breaking. Seungcheol reaches for his hand over the kids and squeezes it.

“They are,” he agrees easily, gummy smile on full display and eyes shining with unshed tears. “The most beautiful kids on earth are ours now,” he mumbles as he softly nuzzles Seungkwan’s hair.

They continue whispering about them in bed until Seungkwan wakes up startled, kicking Chan in the process. “Easy, baby,” Jeonghan says as he caresses his cheek. Seungkwan’s eyes are still half closed, but he seems confused.

“Jeonghannie-hyung?”

“Not hyung, Kwannie,” Jeonghan corrects him with a smile, “Cheollie and I will be your dads from now on.”

They wait expectantly, holding their breaths. Suddenly, this seems much more important than any other step they’ve had to take.

Seungkwan’s eyes open widely. He looks at both of them and sits up suddenly, almost heading Seungcheol in the nose. He turns around to face them so fast he takes the blankets off of Chan, making him squirm and complain in his sleep. Jeonghan cradles the baby close to him but still looks at Seungkwan anxiously.

“So we stay with you?!” he’s whisper-yelling, knowing already he should not disturb his brother and Jeonghan falls in love for the hundredth time. “Me and Channie? We stay with you?” he’s still looking at both of them with round eyes. "Forever?!"

“Yes, Seungkwannie,” Seungcheol replies, “would you like that?”

Seungkwan smiles brightly and looks at him with his eyes crinkling. “Yes! I always miss you, hyung! No, I miss you, daddy!” he corrects himself and looks so proud for it.

Something breaks in Seungcheol then, at how happy Seungkwan looks at the idea of staying with them, at how easily he called him daddy. The older basically jumps his son. He has Seungkwan laying on his back on the bed in a second, kissing his face repeatedly, and tickling him anywhere he can.

“Stop!” he’s laughing uncontrollably, “daddy, stop!” Of course, that only makes Seungcheol become more insistent on his affections. Jeonghan watches them, tears streaming down his face, but he wears a huge smile. He loves what he’s seeing. He loves them so much already.

“Chan!” Seungkwan’s the one who acknowledges his baby brother’s opened eyes. He’s still under Seungcheol, who looks beside him to find the baby looking at them still tiredly.

Jeonghan proceeds to hold Chan on his lap, making his way up on the bed to lean against the bed’s headboard. Chan snuggles up to him, tiny body still heavy with sleep, but he looks up when Jeonghan kisses him. Seungcheol and Seungkwan joined them, sitting by their side

“Channie,” Seungkwan begins, “this is daddy,” he says, pointing at Seungcheol. “And that is...” he pauses to look at Jeonghan, figuring he can’t call them both ‘daddy’. It takes him only one more second to come up with a solution, “that is papa!” A laugh bubbles out of Jeonghan and he couldn’t possibly be more charmed by his oldest son. He feels so overwhelmed by Seungkwan’s words he doesn’t know what to do. He reaches for Seungcheol’s hand and kisses Chan again, after he’s kissed Seungkwan temple too.

Seungkwan continues repeating the introduction and pointing at each them, over and over again, doing it slowly to make sure Chan follows him. He goes until Chan has completely woken up. The baby laughs at Seungcheol then, who is moving Seungkwan’s arm like a puppet, making him laugh too.

“Are you hungry, baby?” Jeonghan asks after a second, and Seungkwan protests.

“Not baby!” he says pouting. Jeonghan will have to correct that habit. He ends up making a deal for Seungkwan to be his baby until he’s thirty years old. Chan will be too, of course. The older child only accepts because Seungcheol is tickling him, and because Jeonghan promises ice cream later in the day.

Jeonghan feels strangely complete. For the longest time, he's known he wanted Seungcheol in his life; that he wanted to marry him and live with him, love him unconditionally. But this feeling is new and soothing at the same time. It’s as if there were missing pieces to his life he never knew about, and he’s finally found them in Seungkwan and Chan’s forms.

He leans into Seungcheol to kiss his cheek and peck him fleetingly on the lips. Their smiles say everything at that moment. They demand kisses from the kids too, and finally leave their bed to eat something, all of them together, as a family.


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first steps into parenthood, their first memories as a family and their first mistakes too.

The first few weeks with the kids are pure bliss. It’s exciting, new and it takes some adjustment but they welcome it. Despite it all, both Seungcheol and Jeonghan are so happy and unafraid of change they mostly don’t see beyond their sweet kids at first. They both got two weeks off work to get used to their new life as well as possible.

In the end, they decide Seungcheol should keep on working full time, while Jeonghan accepts the arrangement from his boss to work from home for a while, and later, when Chan is older, drop by the office for two to three hours to supervise with him. It’s convenient and Jeonghan knows he should be grateful his boss has been so thoughtful about their situation. 

He’s nervous though. The idea of being all alone with the kids makes him anxious. He loves kids as much as his husband, he just isn’t as much of a loud goof about it. His friends and family have been encouraging when he’s dared to voice out his concerns, but the idea still makes him fidgety.

Seungcheol tries his best to comfort him. 

“It will be alright, okay? If anything happens, I will come. And you know my parents are ten minutes away. They would come immediately if you need help. My mom has offered to come check on you too, you know. She’ll call you before she drops by.” 

Both of their parents have given infinite advice and offered to even take the kids in during the mornings so Jeonghan would not have to abandon his job. However, the couple knows that easily could turn into a bad habit that leads to arguing and tense family situations. That’s why they settle for caring for their children themselves, because they know they have to learn to do it on their own. 

“That’s nice of her,” Jeonghan is thankful for Seungcheol’s mom readiness. She is also absolutely in love with Seungkwan and Chan already. “I will have to survive without her most of the times, though.” 

“You’ll do just fine, baby. Those two are incredibly messy, so just don’t expect to have everything under control. They’re children, they’re a mess by nature, so let them.” 

Jeonghan laughs and shifts on the couch to look in the direction of the rooms where the kids are already asleep. They both are far more energetic than they let on before, but Seungcheol and Jeonghan find them way too funny and cute to mind. Those reactions were also not only expected but wanted, because they love seeing their children running around happily even if it has already scared them a bit. 

“I should just stop being so nitpicky,” he mumbles and Seungcheol hums approvingly. Jeonghan pushes him when he agrees. “That’s how far your reassurance goes, I see.” 

Seungcheol smiles and brings him close again. “I just trust you. I think you’ll fuss during the first days, but I know you’re the best to handle them. Seungkwan follows you around like a little duck already. It’s so cute.” 

Jeonghan smiles too and leans his head on the back of the couch to look up at the ceiling. He takes a deep breath and tries to calm down his mind. Everything will be just fine. He’s got help, he and Cheol have tried to stay alone with them too: getting called from the office or having to get groceries or things for the kids. 

He just has to have faith in himself. Things will be fine. 

Admittedly, things go fine. 

They’ve tried to have a schedule for the kids for them to start having a routine. If Jeonghan gets up to have breakfast with Seungcheol before he leaves, he gets to have about two hours to work in peace before the kids start to stir around 9 am. 

Working from home is nice enough, Jeonghan thinks. Not having to drive is just so comfortable. He gets most of the worst load of paperwork done the first mornings, and considers the next hour checking on the kids his break, since they are both still calm before they eat something. 

He’s especially proud Chan has adapted so well. He knows babies cling to adults when they’re his age and Chan seems to trust both him and Seungcheol so much he never rejects either of them. 

He’s getting confident with their routine. He wakes up with Seungcheol and then works, he goes through the kids’ morning and lets them play freely while finishing his work. They agree they should have some time to themselves and not have Jeonghan on their toes all day, so he settles on the table and the kids play below him on the playpen his parents got them. They are mostly entertained for about an hour, Seungkwan watches cartoons from the pillows and Chan plays around him until he joins him. Then they get bored and Jeonghan frees them. 

The house is baby proof now but even then, the kids always find something to throw around that they should not be throwing around: the laundry basket, Chan’s diapers, their cups and bottle from breakfast. Seungcheol’s mom starts to bring and have lunch with them twice a week, so he won’t have to cook that day. He’s doing fine. 

After a few weeks, when Seungcheol gets home, Jeonghan feels more contentment than relief. His husband notices it and is incredibly obnoxious about it. His proud face and his even more obnoxious yell of “Honey, I’m home” make Jeonghan roll his eyes every time. He likes it, but he won’t ever let him know. 

So yeah, things are fine. 

Until he drops the baby. 

In his mind, he knows it was an accident. He knows he could not have stopped it. But Chan’s cries make him feel so guilty he almost believes he purposefully threw him off the bed. 

They are all on his and Seungcheol’s bed. That’s the place they settle at after Jeonghan’s has done house chores and look after them at the same time. It doesn’t take long, since he knows he can’t really do some intense cleaning, but he gets the basics and mostly stuff for the kids done. 

Seungkwan is jumping around while he is sitting next to Chan, making ugly faces at him trying to make the baby laugh. Seungkwan joins him on his lap for a while, and then starts babbling about something he watched on his cartoons that morning. He’s so talkative, and Chan will surely take after him, since Seungkwan constantly tries to engage in conversation with him. 

It’s a second. It is always just a second, he will learn. He was listening to Seungkwan, Chan busy chewing on one of his toys. Jeonghan absentmindedly takes it out of his mouth every time Chan puts it back in. 

All of a sudden Seungkwan runs to the other end of the bed, and that makes Jeonghan try to reach for him. Seungkwan goes back giggling, jumping on Jeonghan making him bounce on his previous place, and then there’s a loud thump. 

Silence for a bit. 

And Chan _cries_. 

Jeonghan is still holding Seungkwan on top of him, whose eyes are wide looking at the spot where Chan used to be sitting. It seems like he was trying to reach for one of his toys when Jeonghan and Seungkwan landed back next to him, so he just rolled out of the bed. 

Jeonghan reacts as quickly as he can, settling Seungkwan in the centre of the bed and running to Chan’s side. His mind tries to come up with ways to put the blame on him, but he can’t listen to that at that moment. He picks up Chan from the floor and hugs him tightly while he continues crying. 

Jeonghan is not sure about where Chan landed, where the pain is the worst. When he tries to touch his head, Chan cries louder, and he starts to panic. He’s shushing him, caressing his back, trying to help him calm down. All of a sudden, Chan’s lips start to form a pout and Jeonghan feels hopeful he’s feeling better, but then Chan cries “daddy!” and goes back to yelling, rubbing his chin now. 

_ Fuck. _

Jeonghan functions automatically, he grabs one of Seungkwan’s hands and guides him out of bed and gets ready to settle the kids in the car. Chan is crying for Seungcheol and obviously in pain, so the only thing he can think of is taking them to his office. 

His mind is completely shut off. He can only drive and have Seungcheol make sure nothing is happening, and help him calm Chan down. 

Seungkwan also begins crying when Chan doesn’t stop, which makes Jeonghan’s heart sink even more. 

When he arrives at the hospital, he walks straight into the direction of the paediatrics wing. Seungcheol has been doing clinic rounds for a while now, to have more comfortable schedules. He expects to find him in his usual consulting room, but meets Jihoon instead. 

“Hyung?” Jihoon looks confused when he sees him carrying Chan crying in one arm and holding Seungkwan’s hand with the other. 

Jeonghan stutters. “Um- We were just- He-” He doesn’t know how to begin. His shame at his mistake and his concern mix and don’t let him speak properly. 

“Han?” Seungcheol’s voice comes from behind him. He instantly turns around. 

“Cheol,” he says a bit breathily. Before he can continue though, Chan sees him and throws himself at him. 

“Daddy,” he’s not full on wailing now, he’s hiccupping on his sobs and tries to babble something. 

“I’ll take Seungkwan,” Jihoon says and takes him out of the room. 

Seungcheol nods and looks at Jeonghan again, “what’s wrong, Han?” 

“He fell off the bed. I think he hit his chin.” Jeonghan finally lets the guilt consume him now that both his children are being taken care of. 

Seungcheol settles Chan on the examination stretcher. He looks at his head, presses his chin and other places making the kid squirm and complain. He looks inside Chan’s mouth to confirm there’s nothing bleeding. He goes on for a bit more, doing a regular revision out of habit and when he deems everything okay, he tickles Chan’s neck and kisses his forehead. 

“All done, baby,” he says, picking up him in his arms. Chan clings to him and starts sucking on his fingers. Seungcheol proceeds to take his hands away from his mouth every time he insists. 

“Is he okay?” Jeonghan gets closer to them and Seungcheol nods. “He’s cried so much.” 

“He may get a bruise but it is nothing serious. He was probably scared, and maybe throwing a bit of a fit too.” Seungcheol explains and signals at how Chan is clinging to him, head nestled on the crook of his neck. 

Jeonghan sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m just so mad at myself for not checking on him. Suddenly, he was on the floor-” 

“Hey,” Seungcheol cuts him off. “It’s okay. Accidents occur. This is nothing uncommon, okay. Everyone drops their baby. I’d probably drop him next week,” he tries to joke and Jeonghan flicks his forehead. 

“Don’t say that!” he scolds while Seungcheol complains. 

“What I’m trying to say is that you should not dwell on this too much, okay? You did nothing wrong: it was an accident. Don’t torture yourself, please,” he adds in a soft tone. He’s closer to Jeonghan now and uses one hand to cradle his cheek and make eye contact. 

“I just want to-” 

Seungcheol cuts him off again. “You are doing amazing. You are a great dad. Don’t doubt yourself for this. Just the other day I almost knock Seungkwan out.” 

“What?!” Jeonghan’s eyes widen in disbelief. 

“I was in a rush and looking for some papers, and didn’t notice he was behind me. When I turned around with a briefcase, I was too fast and I ended up hitting him with it. He fell on his butt.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” 

“Because it was an accident! That’s what I’m getting at. I checked on him and apologised. He was fine. Besides, you would’ve killed me.” He smiles sheepishly at that. 

“I most definitely would have,” he grumbles, making Seungcheol pout. 

“No killing,” Jihoon announces from the door. He is holding Seungkwan’s hand. The kid has a lollipop and he’s looking at both is parents curiously. “Giving you back your kiddo. I need to check on a patient. Bye Seungkwannie!” Jihoon waves at him and Seungkwan does too, smiling around the lollipop and turning to his parents. 

“How’s my boy,” Seungcheol smiles at Seungkwan and crouches down, free arm outstretched. Seungkwan goes to him and hugs Seungcheol’s other side. His father kisses his hair. 

“Channie fell,” Seungkwan tells him frowning. “I think- I think it was my fault,” Seungkwan says with watery eyes. Both the adults’ eyes widen at that. 

Seungkwan starts mumbling and crying, making it difficult to understand him, but both of them get the gist. He believes he pushed Jeonghan and Chan fell because of him. 

Jeonghan has crouched down too and as Seungkwan finishes his story, he brings him to his arms to wipe his tears away. “Oh baby, no, it was an accident. It was not your fault. Accidents are no one’s fault, okay?” He kisses his face repeatedly and tries to soothe him. 

When Jeonghan looks up, Seungcheol is looking at him with a huge grin and seems extremely pleased. Jeonghan has just admitted exactly what his husband wanted. He sticks his tongue out at him while hugging Seungkwan. Seungcheol shows his tongue right back. 

Seungcheol stands up and signals for Jeonghan to place Seungkwan on the examination stretcher next to Chan, where he's just placed him. Seungkwan stands next to him and Seungcheol hugs them both. Jeonghan thinks he can hear him mumbling “my boys” when he lowers his face to kiss their cheeks. He ends up squeezing them so much the kids start to complain and try to push him away, but Seungcheol does not let up for a while, struggling against both children and complaining to let him hug them. 

Jeonghan laughs and jabs two fingers at Seungcheol’s side, making him jump and let go. He turns around frowning but Jeonghan pecks him on the lips before he can protest. Seungcheol pouts a bit but does not say anything to him. He still has his arms around the kids, now freer. 

“Say goodbye to daddy," Jeonghan instructs the kids. “We’re going home now.” 

“Noooooo,” Seungkwan whines. “I want to play with daddy!” 

“Daddy!” Chan whines too, just copying his brother. 

Seungcheol looks smug and Jeonghan rolls his eyes, but he is the one to reason. 

“I have to work, boys. There are other kids who are sick, they need me.” 

Seungkwan pouts “But daddy...” 

“I will see you at home tonight, okay? I will buy you something delicious, does that sound nice?” 

Seungkwan is still pouting but he nods. Seungcheol holds him in his arms to go the car and Jeonghan does the same with Chan. Jeonghan kisses Chan’s face apologetically several times on their way to the car park, and Seungcheol is listening to Seungkwan telling him about his busy morning before the incident. 

Everything seems to have gone back to normal. Seungcheol arrives that night with strawberries for everyone, a few even dipped in chocolate. The kids love eating almost any fruit, but after spending so much time with Jeonghan they favoured strawberries. They love it, even if Jeonghan seems the happiest about it. 

After that, the kids continue to get scraped or bruised here and there, but they both feel calmer about it. They see it as one obstacle they have been able to sort out. 

Right after that one victory, another challenge appears. 

It's probably the first time Seungkwan and Chan get mad at their parents. Both of them apologise to their children when they must, trying to teach them to be humble about their mistakes, but this time it is something different than just a mishap. 

It is time for the kids to get their vaccination. They don’t really know what’s going on. Jeonghan hasn’t told them why they are driving to Seungcheol’s work but both of them were excited to see their dad earlier in the day. He just tells them when they are closer to the hospital and Seungkwan’s eyes are round when he hears about the needle. 

“It hurts?” he asks nervously. 

Jeonghan later realises he’d underestimated his son’s fear, when he absentmindedly answered “Mm, just a bit, Kwannie. But you’ll be okay. Daddy and I will be there.” 

When they arrive, there’s a short line in the paediatrics wing that only gets longer after them. Seungcheol and one nurse are dealing with the vaccines, but there are still quite a lot of people with their kids, mostly between Seungkwan and Chan’s ages. Jeonghan remembers Seungcheol has not only his usual patients but also a coworker’s who could not make it that day. 

Seungkwan and Chan are strangely quiet. They seem to have grown shy around all the new children, which is weird for them. They are usually a handful in every situation. He thinks Seungkwan is nervous and Chan probably has picked up on his brother’s mood. He tries to distract them with easy conversation but the kids don’t seem in the mood. 

When they are second on the line they can see into the office. Seungcheol on side and a nurse on the other, both talking to their respective patients. A baby makes grabby hands at Seungcheol and he picks him up. His sister is also animatedly talking to Seungcheol, and he laughs and pets her head. Jeonghan wants to roll his eyes. 

Seungcheol is excellent at his job because he cares and because he is a great doctor, but mostly because of how he handles kids. He knows when to play rough and manhandle them, so kids love to go to him to play. He listens attentively and always knows his way around conversations with kids better than anyone Jeonghan knows, making faces and voices, asking the right questions. 

That’s how he works efficiently. He interacts with children and they easily relax around him. He’s so good at it. 

And the fact that all his patients, even their parents, love him is an endearing plus. 

Seungcheol puts the baby down and proceeds to give them their vaccine. The baby cries and Seungcheol and his grandmother it seems, shush him quietly. The girl is older than Seungkwan and she tells him she’ll be brave. She is, only making a pained face but not shedding a tear. Seungcheol praises her and pets her head again, making her beam. 

Jeonghan does not notice how Seungkwan and Chan have been looking at the exchange. 

The nurse calls the person in front of them, and Seungcheol calls for them as he says goodbye to the kids. 

“Hey,” he greets Jeonghan easily, taking Chan from his arms and placing a light peck on his forehead. “You boys ready?” he says looking at his kids. 

Jeonghan places Seungkwan on the stretcher next to Chan. Seungkwan seems anxious. “It hurts, daddy?” he asks again. 

“Just a bit, baby, but will you be brave? It’s just a second,” Seungcheol tries to appease him while getting everything ready. 

Seungkwan looks apprehensive but nods. 

Seungcheol begins with the oldest this time, cleaning around the area on Seungkwan’s arm and then he grabs the needle. Seungkwan is holding tightly to Jeonghan’s hand. Jeonghan does not know how well either of them have taken on their previous vaccines. He knows they were behind on their schedule, with all the changes in their foster families, but he hasn’t been expecting Seungkwan to be this nervous, especially around Seungcheol. 

Seungcheol starts talking, trying to make Seungkwan less tense, but it barely works. He abandoned the needle twice to try to soothe Seungkwan but there are no results. With how stiff his son is, he does not doubt the shot hurts even more than usual. Seungkwan immediately starts crying loudly. Seungcheol works fast, cleaning again and pressing a piece of gauze on his arm. Seungkwan immediately rubs at his arm and turns away from him. 

“It hurts,” he sobs. Seungcheol feels pained. He wants nothing more than to be with Seungkwan right at that moment but he needs to get to Chan and he can’t keep the rest waiting. 

He works quickly around Chan too, cooing at him and trying to be comforting. Jeonghan leaves the room with a crying Seungkwan in his arms so as not to disturb his husband and the nurse and to try to calm his son. He puts Seungkwan down and the boy cries louder. 

“It hurts,” he repeats “daddy’s so mean, it hurts a lot,” he sobs. 

Jeonghan wipes his tears and kisses him. “It’s so you won’t be sick, baby. Daddy’s a doctor, he had to give you the shot.” 

“No, daddy’s so mean, he lied,” he says in the middle of all his crying. 

Seungcheol has come out of the office with Chan in his arms crying as loudly. 

“I’m sorry for leaving you with them so upset,” Seungcheol tells him. He looks disappointed in himself and Jeonghan reassures him quickly. 

“They’ll be okay, Cheol. Don’t worry about us, they’ll feel fine soon.” 

“Please let me know how they are feeling later. They may get a fever or feel a pained and tired. Call me if you think there’s anything wrong,” he says sternly, looking so worried. 

Jeonghan wants to kiss him but his crying kids and the long line waiting make him refrain from doing so. “I will. Don’t worry. We love you.” 

“Love you all too,” he kisses Jeonghan’s cheek and pats Chan head, the baby is clinging to Jeonghan, also refusing to look at him. When they look at Seungkwan he’s hiding behind Jeonghan’s legs, not looking up. Seungcheol sighs and pats his head too before going back to work. 

At home, the kids calm down a bit. They are a bit grumpy and sensitive through their lunch and even while watching cartoons. They fall asleep quite quickly, which Seungcheol had told him to expect. 

He figures Chan must be feeling only a dull pain, since he does not complain again about the shot, not even rubbing at it. He sleeps in his crib when Seungkwan wakes up suddenly. They’ve been napping for about an hour, but Seungkwan has been constantly tossing and turning around in his bed. 

Jeonghan is working in the living room when Seungkwan comes out of his bedroom. He was going to let them nap for only a bit more before waking them up. He’s surprised because Seungkwan would have called for him upon waking up. He stops immediately and goes to him. Seungkwan’s eyes are half open and his cheeks are red. When he touches his son’s cheeks and forehead he is burning. 

“Come here, baby,” he picks him up and Seungkwan clings to him again, arms and legs tighten around him as best as his exhausted body lets him. 

“Papa,” he mumbles “I feel bad,” he is speaking so softly. Jeonghan goes to the cabinet where their medicine is. “It’s cold,” he complains again. 

“I know, sweetie. You’ll have medicine and we’ll wait for daddy, okay?” There’s only about an hour left until Seungcheol gets home anyway. It’s better to just wait. 

“But I was so bad,” Seungkwan whines, his voice clearer, “he’ll be mad and-” a sob cuts his sentence short. 

Jeonghan settles with his baby on their bed. Seungkwan clings to him until he can sit him down to give him the medicine. 

“Your dad won’t be mad, Kwan. He’s sad he made you so upset,” he explains while pouring the right amount of syrup for Seungkwan. He drinks it without protesting and then frowns. 

“He won’t send us away?” 

Jeonghan raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Of course not. Why do you think that?” 

“A granny told me. If we were bad, dad would give us away. He’d change us for good kids.” 

God, Jeonghan hates old people. The only old people allowed near his children from that moment on are his and Seungcheol’s parents. He could maybe even reduce that list to Seungcheol’s mom only. He is so angry, but he needs to tend to Seungkwan first. He places him under the covers, since he guesses he hasn’t really rested well at all. 

“Your daddy would never do that Seungkwannie. He loves you both so much,” he says softly as he runs his hand through his son’s hair. “And I love you too. We’ll never want to send you away.” 

Seungkwan smiled weakly and Jeonghan’s caresses his face. “I like it here with you. I love you too, papa,” he mumbles. 

Jeonghan really wants to fight some old ladies, but he settles for comforting his baby. He kisses his cheek softly and waits until he falls asleep. His fever wasn’t really that high so he hopes medicine and rest will have him feeling better soon. 

He occupies himself with Chan while waiting for Seungcheol. He usually has better schedules for their naps but given how irritable both were feeling, he’s just let them sleep a bit more as his husband recommended. He has just finished changing Chan’s diaper when he hears their front door opening. 

Seungcheol comes in already looking for them. They meet in the hallway to the bedrooms. 

“Well, hello there. Did you run all the way home?” Jeonghan teases when Seungcheol almost stumbles in his hurry to find them. 

“Almost,” Seungcheol smiles and looks at Chan. “How’s this one?” 

“He’s been fine, I just changed him. He woke up a while ago but he’s still kind of out of it,” he says as Chan is just laying his head on his shoulder, apparently trying to sleep again. “Nuh-uh,” Jeonghan says, attempting to make him get up from his shoulder, “you’ve slept enough. Say hi to daddy,” he instructs. 

Chan looks at Seungcheol and wakes up a little more when he smiles. Seungcheol offers his cheek to get a kiss from his son. He’s about to take him from Jeonghan’s arms but his husband stops him. 

“Kwan woke up with a fever a little while ago. I gave him medicine to lower his temperature and he fell asleep again. It was not that bad but he was feeling pretty exhausted. He was also sad.” 

Seungcheol’s frown deepens at that. “Why? What happened?” 

“He’ll tell you,” Jeonghan’s tone is off-putting, which makes Seungcheol more worried. “Check on him. I’ll feed this little one.” 

Seungcheol nods and kisses him before asking him, “you’ve been okay? You could’ve called me when Seungkwan woke up.” 

Jeonghan takes advantage of Chan dozing off on his shoulder again to kiss Seungcheol for a few more seconds. He shakes his head when he pulls away. “There was no need. It’s barely been more than half an hour. You’re here now.” 

Seungcheol’s heart skips a beat at Jeonghan’s words and at how soft he looks. He steals one last peck before going into their bedroom to check on his other boy. 

As expected, Seungkwan is still asleep. Seungcheol sits on the bed next to him as quietly as he can. He places his hand on Seungkwan’s forehead just to check and he is quite warm. He gets up to put on more comfortable clothes, hoping Seungkwan isn’t still upset with him when he wakes up. He’s about to leave and let him rest but he reaches his son again to place one kiss on his forehead. He decides he’ll get Jeonghan to talk about what's bothered him when Seungkwan stirs. 

“Papa,” he mumbles, eyes closed. His fever has yet to let him sleep peacefully. 

“Hello, Kwannie,” he says quietly. Seungkwan opens his eyes as fast as he can. A tired smile graces his face. 

“Daddy...” he tries to get up but Seungcheol does not let him. He pouts and says, “it’s cold.” 

Seungcheol is wearing his most comfortable hoodie, the one Jeonghan keeps stealing exactly when he wants to wear it too, and the one the kids love because it’s the best one to cuddle. “Want me to get in with you?” he offers. Seungkwan nods. 

Seungcheol lays down next to him and tucks his son on his side. Seungkwan settles comfortably on his chest and nuzzles into the hoodie. They all really love it, Seungcheol thinks amused. 

“Papa told me you were sad?” Seungcheol asks him when he feels his son playing with the straps of the hood. 

“Yes. I was scared,” he’s mumbling now. 

“But why, baby?” 

“I- I thought you wanted to send us away. A granny told me if we were bad you’d change us for good kids. Like that brave girl.” 

Seungcheol holds back a sigh. He understands now why Jeonghan seemed so annoyed. They really want their sons to feel loved and safe, especially after being through two fosters homes after being separated from their biological mom. They both know Seungkwan is probably the only one who remembers most of that clearly. 

Sometimes other parents have ways of disciplining their kids they do not agree with. He’s pretty sure the granny who told him that is the one who came with the pair of siblings he vaccinated right before his own. He knows the woman and the older girl take that threat as a joke. He heard it the first time they had an appointment with him. “Be good or you’ll stay here with the doctor, okay.” The girl knows to laugh it off but that’s not Seungkwan’s case. 

He lifts Seungkwan a little in his arms to look at him. “You were so brave, Seungkwannie. I’d never change you or Chan for other kids.” 

“I was bad and cried-” 

“But you got the shot anyway. I don’t want to send you away, okay? You are staying with me,” Seungcheol tells him confidently. 

“Forever?” Seungkwan is still a little hesitant and that breaks his heart. He deserves all the love he can give him. 

“Forever,” he assures him, and kisses his face many times. Usually, Seungkwan pushes him away with all his might, but this time he allows his dad to kiss him, eyes closed and nose scrunched up cutely. “Or until you get married,” Seungcheol comments, “but don’t tell that to your papa.” Seungkwan giggles and hugs Seungcheol, arms around his neck. Seungcheol hugs him back, completely burying him in his hoodie, and kisses him some more. 

“What’s going on here?” Jeonghan asks as he enters, carrying a completely awake Chan. 

“Cuddle party,” Seungcheol says, and demonstrates by turning over Seungkwan trapping him beneath him. This makes the child scream and try to escape, even in his tired state. Chan laughs at his brother’s pleas and points insistently at the bed. 

Chan wants to join in whatever the other two are doing, so once Jeonghan places him on the bed he tries to climb on top of Seungcheol, but his father is faster and agilely catches him with one arm and has him under him too. 

Jeonghan looks at them lovingly and laughs when the kids complain about their clingy dad. Seungcheol does not care, and then they are whispering and talking hurriedly. In a second, both kids land on top of Jeonghan. For dramatic effect, he plops down heavily on the bed next to Seungcheol, who throws an arm around them the best he can, trying to settle the kids in between them. 

They stay in bed for a little while, until the kids’ cheeks are red and the adults are a bit out of breath from laughing and bickering. Seungkwan does not want to have dinner but they convince him. After their bath and some more playing, both children want to sleep with their parents, but the rule is only on Fridays. They have to negotiate a bit, something about a park and uncle Joshua. 

After a bedtime story, the children sleep again without trouble, probably the exhaustion from the day still not worn off. Seungkwan’s still a bit warm but he’s not feeling cold anymore, and finally breathes easily as he sleeps. Chan does not want to leave Seungcheol’s arms, where he fell asleep, but they manage to put him in his crib again. 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol lay in their bed. There were sheets and pillows everywhere from the previous mess, so they tidied it up a bit. Their limbs are tangled under their covers, and Jeonghan enjoys the softness of his husband’s hoodie and places his face on his neck, breathing him in slowly. Seungcheol’s arms are around him and he thinks this is definitely one of his favourite parts of their days. 

“It’s probably useless to say this, but please don’t hunt after my patients’ grandmothers.” 

“Oh, I will,” Jeonghan grumbles on his neck. “How dare she even talk to my baby, a complete stranger-” 

“I know, I don’t like it either. It’s just how she gets along with her granddaughter. She shouldn’t say it to other kids though.”

“I guess I should’ve noticed the kids were a bit jealous and uncomfortable. I was just so worried about taking care of them after the vaccines, that I didn’t think anything would go wrong at your office. Not with you there.” 

“Yeah, I’m more at ease if you’re there, too,” Seungcheol agrees, “I almost let the kids stay the night with us right now. I just want to engrave into their minds that they’re my favourite kids in the world.” 

Jeonghan laughs at that and leaves his place on Seungcheol’s neck. “Don’t think about that, Cheol. You’re sweet with everyone. The kids will learn you love them the most, and stop feeling jealous after a while.” 

It’s Seungcheol’s turn to hide in his husband’s neck. “Mmm, like you did?” 

He knows Jeonghan has just rolled his eyes when his shoulder is hit. He also catches on the slightly red hue on Jeonghan’s ears but doesn’t say anything else, simply lays butterfly kisses in his neck. 

Both their minds travel back in time to the months right after they started dating. It was sweet and romantic, but it was also unknown territory and feelings were hurt. Both were a little insecure and were dealing with a lots of things, so jealousy was the first thing they had to sort through. 

They learnt. It took lots of talking, lots of reassurance and also quite some tears and arguments, but they learnt. 

Seungcheol’s kisses on his neck become a little more open mouthed, and his lips are closer to his collarbones, making Jeonghan sigh. Seungcheol notices Jeonghan has stolen one of his pyjama shirts again, so he unbuttons the first few ones without remorse. 

“Cheol, what are you doing?” his voice is low, and his hands are on Seungcheol’s dark locks, making a mess.

“Nothing,” Seungcheol hums as his hands settle on Jeonghan’s waist. He blows air on Jeonghan’s neck and makes him huff a laugh. 

“That tickles,” he complains, but brings Seungcheol’s face up to kiss him. 

They make out for a while, until they feel drunk on each other. On other nights, they might have continued, taken the matters further, but tonight they settle for deep kisses and caresses above clothing. It’s just as good. 

“I love you,” Seungcheol whispers against his lips. Jeonghan smiles widely. 

“I love you too,” he kisses him again and again and again. 

Jeonghan thinks parenthood is just as difficult as he imagined, even more. But it’s worth it. Seungcheol is worth it, their kids are worth it too. His heart feels so happy since they’re a family of four members, and he knows it’s the same for Seungcheol. 

They adore this feeling and they’ll cherish it forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i hope you've liked this chapter, i will like to say a few things  
-i have no idea about how hospitals work, and i probably have not used the specific and correct terms so please be patient with me when it comes to cheol's job  
-i have many little cousins so most moments and interactions are inspired in them.  
-please let me know if there's any scenario you'd like to read about in this fic!  
-any comment and constructive criticism are more than welcome
> 
> thank you all for reading! i appreciate so much the positive feedback this fic has gotten, it's made sooo happy


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan and Chan will keep growing and growing. Seungcheol and Jeonghan will love them just the same.

Seungcheol’s phone rings as he’s going over some papers in his office. It’s a message from Jeonghan, video attached. 

The video is old, Seungcheol notices, but he has not seen it before. It’s from a few months ago, summer apparently, Seungkwan sitting on the floor with only shorts and a shirt that’s still too big on him even now, but that the kid has decided it’s his favourite. They let him wear it because he gets really upset otherwise, but it’s always a pain to wash. More fabric, more stains.

The video is precisely about that, it seems. 

Chan comes into view crawling and sitting next to his brother per Jeonghan’s instruction from the background. He hears Jeonghan tsk because back then, Chan still refused to walk unless he wanted something. He was a little over a year in the video, usually the age most babies start walking on their own, and he could do it, but Chan relied on crawling everywhere, surprisingly quickly. Jeonghan complained about how lazy Chan was, and shut Seungcheol up with a punch on his arm before making a joke at his expense. 

That was until a few weeks ago, though. Chan now enjoys the freedom of walking way too much. 

Jeonghan places a bowl of orange pieces in front of the kids and they both yell loudly. They love fruits, strawberries the most, but almost any fruit that comes their way makes them happy. Seungkwan, being older, does cry for candy and cakes, but he never complains about eating fruit, so it’s their daily snack.

Seungcheol guesses Jeonghan wanted to show him the kids making a mess, because they both eat in silence for a while, juice dripping everywhere. His husband is one-handed, holding a napkin to their faces when it gets too terrible, prioritising the video over Seungkwan’s favourite shirt.

“Say hi to daddy,” Jeonghan says then. Seungcheol smiles. Jeonghan probably forgot to send this and found it just now. 

The kids babble incoherently at the same time, mouths full of orange, and waving their hands, at the phone. Seungkwan asks him about the kids he met today, and if his friends were there again. After the vaccine incident, and a few more visits at his office, he became more friendly with the others. He’s a loud and social boy, so when they’ve dropped by for a monthly check-up (mostly on Chan’s account, but Seungkwan comes by too) he has fun waiting with whoever else is there. 

Seungcheol smiles in pride at his phone. Seungkwan is one of the most considered kids he’s seen, even at his age he is so sweet. 

Chan too tries to convey a message, but his words are still getting there. He knows quite a few, including of course daddy, papa, Seungkwan. He couldn’t pronounce Seungkwan then though, so it was just Kwan.

“Hi!” The baby says loudly again, face full of orange bits and juice. He tries to eat the next piece too quickly and ends up missing his mouth by a few inches, dragging the orange all over his cheek until it enters his mouth. Jeonghan groans and Seungcheol laughs.

“Is it good?” Jeonghan asks them.

Both children nod and say “yes, good!”

“What are you eating, Seungkwannie?”

The older kid pauses to consider. Seungcheol raises his eyebrows waiting for his answer. Seungkwan hums, eyes shining with mischief, and then he smiles brightly, tilting his head to one side and says “Chips!”

Jeonghan’s laugh causes the phone to move a little, but the image readjusts again on his son’s cheeky and somehow convinced expression.

“Chips?” Jeonghan repeats and Seungkwan nods, confidently stuffing his mouth with more orange. “Are they good?”

“Delicious!” Seungkwan says this stressing every syllable.

“Do you like chips a lot, then?

“Yes, papa, a lot, a lot, a lot,” Seungkwan trails off, repeating the words_ chips, delicious, _and _a lot _while he munches on the last sections of the orange. Chan echoes him as best he can.

The video ends and Seungcheol realises he’s been smiling the whole two minutes it lasts. He does not have time to type an answer as someone comes in, but Jeonghan is used to this, so he decides to wait until getting home.

Seungcheol is much too accustomed by now to the view of his living room as an extended playground. The kids have to be there so Jeonghan can watch them while works. He knows the mess drove him a bit insane at first, but he got over it soon too.

What surprises him is how quiet the house is, usually the TV would be blasting some cartoons. Seeing Seungkwan caged in the playpen is also new. He’s obviously been throwing a tantrum or something similar, given the pouty lips and brow furrowed in a frown. He even has his arms firmly crossed to prove his point.

He does not see Jeonghan around, but whatever happened_ just _happened.

Seungcheol walks up to the playpen and crouches in front of it. It’s not his place to take Seungkwan out of it, even if he kind of wanted to hug him and smooch him just to aggravate his kid as usual. That could wait.

His son does not acknowledge him at all, though.

Seungcheol does not want to directly ask _what did you do, _so he tries to act normal.

“Hey, baby, what’s up?” he says looking at him through the playpen. “You okay?”

He decides Seungkwan should probably stay alone for a little longer when his reply is an angry “Papa’s so mean.”

“Why do you say that?” 

“He told me off and turned off cartoons.”

Okay, so that’s what Jeonghan did, but he has yet to find out what Seungkwan did to get grounded.

“Wait a little, okay? I will go say hi to papa and Channie.”

Seungkwan just plops down on the playpen looking very cranky. He barely fits completely stretched in the playpen now, and he is bound to try to escape at some point. They should have to discuss a new location to ground the kids.

He finds Jeonghan struggling to change Chan out of some more stained clothes in the kids’ bedroom. The baby is more than a handful, running off everywhere as soon as you stopped looking at him for a second.

Ah, the good, old times, when crawling was all we knew, Seungcheol thinks, remembering the video from this afternoon.

“Hey, should I take over that?” he says from the door as greeting. Jeonghan looks relieved. He knows he’s tired, they both are, but still his husband smiles at him as he walks up to him and places an overly-energetic kid in his arms.

“All yours,” he says and leans on the doorframe. Seungcheol kisses his forehead and is about to ask him about everything, but at the same time, Chan presses both his hands around his cheeks loudly.

“Ouch!” he exaggerates for the kid and pokes at him, making him squirm and laugh in his hold. Seungcheol kisses his cheeks and carries him back to bed to try to put some pants and socks on him.

“What happened with Seungkwan?”

Jeonghan takes his phone from his pocket and hums when he looks at it. “Two minutes left.”

Seungcheol nods and tries to hold Chan in place but the kid keeps kicking. This looks like a rebellion against pants and it’s very inconvenient as it’s colder every day. He holds one of his legs firmly to start with the pants while he takes a peek at Jeonghan. His husband comes closer to him again and run his hands through Seungcheol’s hair.

“We just went to the grocery store to get something for dinner and he took off running while were coming back. He would not stop even when I called him and it looked like he wanted to cross the street, that’s why he’s grounded. I gave him like five minutes in there and no cartoons tonight because it really scared me for a second.”

Seungcheol has finally adjusted the pants on Chan’s body. He stops handling Chan for a second to look at Jeonghan. “Did he say why he would not listen?”

“That’s what I will try to find out now. It’s time to make amends.” Seungcheol nods again at his words and places a kiss on Jeonghan’s palm on his face before ushering him away.

He waits with Chan on the bedroom for a while, finally the child is dressed. He’s running around as predicted, occupied with his toys and some things that are definitely not toys but that he and his brother have declared as so. Some old plastic cups, cardboard boxes of cereal, and a few of Jeonghan’s old planners from the office that he was planning to discard among them.

After some more time of playing with Channie, Seungkwan runs into the room.

Seungcheol sits on the floor cross-legged, Chan next to him, and Seungkwan jumps into his lap.

“You’re feeling better, baby?”

“Yes! We are eating burgers, daddy!”

Just like that, Seungkwan changes the topic and is distracted again. Seungcheol asks for kisses and then clings to him until Seungkwan runs away to entertain himself with Chan. Luckily, Chan is still too young to argue with Seungkwan for real, so they play together fairly well.

Jeonghan is leaning on the doorframe again, looking happier than when Seungcheol arrived.

“Everything’s okay?” he asks as he places his hands lightly on Jeonghan’s waist.

“Yes,” Jeonghan says, “he’s just... too curious and too energetic. He didn’t give me a clear answer, though, I’m just guessing here.”

Seungcheol hums. It’s more than a valid theory. He leans in to kiss Jeonghan briefly and murmurs “Next time don’t go out. Just call me and I’ll get takeout.”

Jeonghan eyes him suspiciously for a second before nodding. “No excuses then. If I ask you to bring dinner, you can’t refuse at all.”

Seungcheol is known for being too lazy to do groceries or to simply go out of his way to buy things, but this time he nods and kisses Jeonghan again. 

“Promise.” 

Jeonghan smiles against his mouth. 

After dinner the kids want to run around for a little more, but it has been a tiresome day for everyone, so when Chan starts crying because Seungkwan takes a plushie away from him, they decide it’s time to go to bed a few minutes earlier. 

The kids are finally tucked in bed, and Seungcheol just notices how tired Jeonghan still looks when he comes back from his shower. 

“Nothing else happened today?” he asks from the bed. Jeonghan just lays down and sighs. 

“No, work was just a lot, but today was fine for the kids. A million things happen every day with them anyway,” Jeonghan says smiling. 

Seungcheol stops worrying and lays down next him and looks at him fondly. “You’re working hard.” 

“I know,” Jeonghan quips still grinning. “But it’s okay. Seungkwannie will start kindergarten in a year, anyway, I'd better enjoy them the most while I can.” 

Seungcheol brings Jeonghan closer to him and ruffles his hair to be annoying while he thinks. Jeonghan kicks him and gets under the covers. 

“They’re still so little, though,” he says, getting comfortable under the covers too, and closing the distance between them again. “I would not think that far ahead just yet.” 

“I know! But still, I can’t help it. They’ll grow up and go to kindergarten, then elementary school, then middle school and high school then_ college_–” 

“God, stop that,” Seungcheol laughs. “I can’t believe it’s you getting sentimental over that. You’re stealing my role in this relationship.” 

“Being a wimp?” 

“I’m perceptive.” 

“A cry-baby.” 

“Empathic.” 

Jeonghan laughs at that one. “You’re just one overly sensitive goof and I’ve always known it. Let me have emotions of my own.” 

They go off topic for a while, mostly making fun of each other good-naturedly. They both love that this is something that comes so spontaneously to them. 

“But what brought this on?” Seungcheol asks at last, remembering where this discussion started. “Why are you thinking about them going to college?” he asks incredulous. He can barely deal with getting stressed over kindergarten, he seldom even thinks about it. 

“I was just going over my videos and photos of them on my phone. I have like a million, and I don’t even want to know how many you have.” 

“I have no clue.” 

“Exactly my point! I just– don’t know, I wasn’t expecting to get like this either,” Jeonghan is rambling, and Seungcheol is endeared. “But Seungkwan tried to escape from the playpen today and he almost made it, and Chan just flies everywhere around the house now that walking is finally good enough for him,” they both laugh at their child’s stubbornness to not walk just a few weeks ago. “So I just– I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.” 

Jeonghan throws his arms around Seungcheol’s torso as he finishes, defeated by whatever he cannot put into words. 

“There’s no rush, though. And the important things won’t change. We’ll love them and baby them the same tomorrow_ and _when they go to college.” 

“Okay, that’s true.” 

“That’s why you sent that video this afternoon? You’re feeling nostalgic?” 

“Probably. But also, because that video is really funny. Did you see his face when he said “chips”? He really wanted me to correct him and argue with me,” Jeonghan tries to sound indignant but his huge smile betrays him. 

“You could never win against baby logics.” 

Jeonghan is about to reply but then he says “Oh! I have another great video from this morning.” 

He grabs his phone from the bedside table and gets comfortable on Seungcheol’s side to watch it with him. 

It starts with the kids on the bed, Seungkwan watching TV and Chan throwing some building blocks around. Jeonghan seems to be standing in front of them. After a few seconds, a song from an idol group starts playing and Seungkwan immediately stands up and starts dancing, most likely trying to copy the choreography, and he also sings as well as he can, stumbling over some lyrics but doing his best. 

Seungcheol is cooing already. Seungkwan looks adorable. He has so much fun singing and dancing to Disney and idol songs, they have another million videos of him doing that. 

The great thing, as Jeonghan put it, happens when Chan gets up on wobbly legs and stands next to his brother. He studies him for a second before launching himself at Seungkwan. They both fall on the bed, and Chan sits on top of his older brother. 

Seungkwan is apparently too stunned to make any noise at first, but suddenly Chan, presses both of his hands loudly against Seungkwan’s cheeks, and he finally yells. 

“Papa! Help! Help me! Chan hit me!” 

“Channie, stop that,” Jeonghan’s voice sounds from the background, but he doesn’t move. 

Chan covers Seungkwan’s mouth and giggles, and then he seemed to rub his hands on Seungkwan’s face with quite more force than needed. 

Jeonghan just films. 

“Papa!” Seungkwan sounds more exasperated when Chan pinches his cheeks, and finally the video ends. 

They are both laughing quietly by then and Jeonghan puts his phone away before turning to him. 

“Why did you keep filming?” Seungcheol tries to reprimand. It probably doesn’t work. 

“Why did Chan even tackle him? I needed to find out! It was so funny,” neither can shake the laughter away yet, and just thinking of the image of Chan attacking his brother makes it even more difficult. 

“Seungkwan’s so cute, he could have just pushed Chan off him,” Seungcheol comments, feeling for his baby. 

“Right? I made Chan apologise after that. Sort of, but he gave Kwan a kiss and I taught him how to properly caress someone.” 

“That’s so cute!” Seungcheol could scream, but he refrains from doing so. “You should’ve filmed that instead!” 

“I wouldn’t have needed to teach him that in the first place if I hadn’t filmed the first video.” 

Okay, he can concede to that. 

“I hope he remembers tomorrow,” Seungcheol says and turns off the lights. 

“He probably will, he’s smart.” 

Seungcheol agrees with a hum and kisses Jeonghan goodnight briefly. As they settle comfortably against each other, he thinks all these little things will always be the most precious ones, no matter the kids’ age. 

“Woah!” Seungkwan’s mouth is open as he enters the salon, eyeing all the pictures and the colourful decoration. 

Seungcheol and Jeonghan take the kids for their first haircut since adopting them almost a year ago. Back then the kids’ hair was very short, so there hasn’t been need until now. Jeonghan thinks it’s been overdue, given the messy state of Seungkwan’s fringe and Chan’s chaotic hair upon waking up every day recently. 

They’ve chosen the hairdressing salon for children Jun and Minghao usually take their kid to. Everything is so colourful and bright the kids love it immediately. The place is not crowded, only one girl playing in the back of the room where some toys are scattered around. A guy who looks too young to be their father sits nearby while another boy tends to a girl slightly older than Seungkwan. 

“Hi! My name is Sujeong, how can I help you today?” says one of the girls behind a hairdressing chair that is shaped as a pink plane. There are some cars too, and other chairs have cartoon characters on them. 

“We made an appointment for Seungkwan and Chan,” Jeonghan says. 

“Oh, right. We were expecting you. We can get started right now. Hi!” Sujeong says again and crouches down in front of Seungkwan, “I’m Sujeong. What’s your name?” 

Her voice is soft but very clear. Her hair is super long and a shade of dark red. She smiles kindly at Seungkwan and she’s just so nice. Seungcheol and Jeonghan could swear Seungkwan blushes. Their hearts could burst with the cuteness of the scene, but disbelief takes over because Seungkwan is rarely shy around strangers. 

“Seungkwan,” the kid mumbles. 

“Where do you want to sit today, Seungkwan?” 

Seungkwan, still shyly, points at the pink plane, because his current obsessions are both flying and pink, so it’s just perfect. 

Sujeong nods. “And which cape would you like to wear today?” 

She points at the hangers near the back where lots of hairdressing capes are. Seungkwan runs to inspect them carefully. 

“Chan should choose a seat and a cape too,” Sujeong adds looking at the baby in Seungcheol’s arms. “But I will work with Seungkwan only. A co-worker will be in charge of the baby. He’s more experienced with them than I am,” she adds abashedly, as if they could scold her for anything when she’s been such a sweetheart. 

“No problem,” Seungcheol says and lets Chan fumble with a few capes until he grabs on one with little cartoonish cats all over it. Seungkwan whines. 

“I wanted that one!” 

Before either Seungcheol or Jeonghan can even think of anything, Sujeong steps in. “Don’t worry, Seungkwannie! Can I call you that?” Seungkwan nods, all timid again. “I have some more cute cat capes around here, they were just washed today, follow me,” she says the last part looking at the parents for permission and they both just nod smiling. 

Sujeong takes Seungkwan’s hand and they go to the back of the room where some shelves and a closet are, high on the walls and locked with a key, out of curious children’s reach. While they check the capes Seungcheol whispers: 

“Someone has a little crush.” 

Jeonghan hides his giggles in Chan’s neck. “He’s too young for that. But he’s so cute when he acts shy. We should immortalise this moment.” 

“Of course,” Seungcheol smiles and steals a kiss on Jeonghan’s cheek. 

Sujeong and Seungkwan come back hand in hand holding another cat themed cape. 

“Did you thank noona?” Jeonghan asks his child, who only nods. 

“We can start now!” Sujeong announces and smiles at them. “Seokmin will start with Chan as soon as he’s done with his current client.” 

Things run smoothly after that. Seungkwan relaxes around Sujeong eventually, since she’s also extremely gifted for children conversation. With Seungcheol’s aid, Seokmin works around Chan carefully, just trimming his hair neatly as they asked him to. 

They did not expect the kids to like getting their hair cut so much, but Seungkwan declares that he loves the salon and that he wants to wear all the capes. 

To no one’s surprise, they take more than a reasonable number of pictures of the kids in their seats, with their capes, with their hair wet pointing in funny directions before actually starting on it. 

It’s just another little memory, but it’s one to treasure as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> inspired by some of my own old videos from when my sister and i were toddlers. take a guess did i tackle my sister or did she tackle me lmao  
i hope you've enjoyed this! <3  
you can talk to me on [tw](https://twitter.com/juncheolies?s=09)!


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Seungcheol's birthday and their small family is ready to shower him with love in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday to one of my favourite boys ever! i hope you guys like this ridiculously cheesy thing. the tags are now updated with tooth-rooting fluff because damn this is soft

Jeonghan arrives home around 9:30 pm. His back is killing him, and he’s got a bit of a headache. He was called in that afternoon because there were tons of piled up paperwork that he didn’t know about. So apart from the usual hours he works in the mornings and early afternoons, he’s spent the past five hours hunched over his desk with file after file of a million cases that somehow did not make it into the load he usually takes at home and that needed to be done today.

It’s been stressful.

And it makes even more annoyed because he really wanted to surprise Seungcheol at midnight. Escape from their bed and collect the pastries he bought for him that morning and wake him up. He knows Seungcheol must have seen them by now. He can’t hide anything like that in the lower shelves of the fridge because he knows Seungkwan will get his hands on them otherwise.

The surprise part was not important, but he loved doing things at midnight. He’d always text his friends at midnight on their birthdays and he did the same for Seungcheol when they were dating. He likes being the first one to congratulate him. He likes birthdays in general. Maybe not his own so much, but he’s always up for the excitement of giving gifts, and planning or attending a birthday party, surprise or not.

He may have to resign himself to not do anything at midnight for Seungcheol’s birthday. He could pass out on his feet right now, and he knows he could sleep until tomorrow noon once his body hits the bed.

So he’s feeling very annoyed now.

The house is silent when he enters. The kids must be sound asleep. He dropped them off with his parents and Seungcheol picked them up earlier. He doesn’t bother with the kitchen, which he knows is messy at least, and goes straight to their bedroom.

He wants to sleep.

But he hears Seungcheol inside their bathroom and he can't let his chances just go.

He knocks and enters, and finds his husband stepping out of his clothes.

“Hey,” Seungcheol smiles and stops to make his way to Jeonghan, who’s leaning on the doorframe.

“Don’t stop on my account,” he tries to tease, but he knows it doesn’t have the usual bickering tone.

Seungcheol makes no effort to retaliate. Jeonghan should be offended for that.

“Come on,” his half-naked husband says, trying to get him to hurry up, “get in the shower. You told me to pick up your corpse from the driveway. You should sleep.”

“I may have exaggerated–”

“You look like shit.”

Jeonghan throws his jacket at Seungcheol’s face. “I should kick you out and take my shower alone.”

“Then I’d have to pick your corpse from the shower.”

He can’t come up with a comeback in time, so Jeonghan throws his pants at Seungcheol but he just laughs.

When he stands straight again, Seungcheol walks past him into the shower and tugs on his hand to make him follow him. Jeonghan surrenders then. He’s tried his best to banter, but he’d let Seungcheol win easily for once. He hopes he won’t get used to it.

They work in silence for a few minutes, washing their bodies and hair quickly. Sharing a shower and actually getting clean is too much of a hassle. They both know Jeonghan wants to stand for a while under the hot spray while holding Seungcheol in his arms before the water runs cold. Once that is out of the way, Jeonghan holds on Seungcheol by his waist and presses himself to him.

From his shoulder, Seungcheol murmurs, “Want to tell me how work was?”

“God, no,” Jeonghan answers immediately and Seungcheol laughs, hugging Jeonghan back as well. “Did the kids behave?”

“Of course. They’re angels.”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes. “It’s obvious you’re not the one who spends twenty-four hours a day with those gremlins,” he mutters.

“I’m sure they’re still angels. I mean, Chan _was_ running around with like six tablespoons when I got to your parents’ place, and Seungkwan _was_ drawing all over the plastic tablecloth. We should get one of those. Your mom cleaned that up so fast.”

Jeonghan really should insist on how difficult it is to be anywhere with those kids, but the last comment effectively distracts him. And maybe Seungcheol kissing his neck also does the trick, as well as the warmth he feels on every part of his body that is in contact with Seungcheol’s skin.

“The house is never babyproof enough,” he answers almost minute too late.

They stand there for a few more seconds in silence. He guesses marriage would do this to you. Sometimes you just want quiet, and the other person knows. He draws random figures with his fingers on Seungcheol’s lower back making him sigh and place two, three more kisses, on Jeonghan’s neck and collarbones.

He kind of wants to ask Seungcheol what he did to handle the mess. They’re still struggling to find common ground for discipline since they have different approaches. With how tired he is, it could potentially lead to an argument if one word goes wrong, and he does not want to ruin the moment. He saves it for the next tantrum, which he is sure would happen within the next few days at least.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” he asks instead.

Seungcheol hums, pensive. “Anything is fine? It’d be our first birthdays with the kids, so we could go out. The four of us only.”

Jeonghan smiles at that. He uses one hand to make Seungcheol look and kisses him. It’s as if all the knots in his body spontaneously unravel. He knows it has more to do with the hot water than Seungcheol’s being so close and kissing him like they have all the time in the world, but he could also vow for the magic of slow, deep kisses like this one.

“Okay. Think about it. We’ll do whatever you want,” he breathes as they part.

More-awake Jeonghan would probably have not said that, but he trusts Seungcheol would not let it get to his head.

“Does that mean you’re not going to terrorise me at midnight?” Seungcheol asks as he steps away from the water. Jeonghan wants to hold him close again, but their bed is definitely better for that.

“Excuse you,” Jeonghan replies, one hundred percent offended this time. His midnight congratulations are a cherished tradition. “I have been nothing but a sweetheart to you every year. You should be thankful.”

And it’s true. Jeonghan loves messing with Seungcheol because he puts up a good fight, but he sulks easily, and that’s always been cute. But he’s never used that against him on his birthday. He’s too soft for that, even if he’s in denial about it.

Seungcheol just snorts as he starts drying himself. “I’ve heard stories from our friends, Jeonghan. Believe me, I’m thankful, but I know someday you’ll just pull another prank on me and kill me.”

Well, maybe he has had a little bit of fun with the midnight thing. But in all fairness, it’s not something he started, and most of their friends do it now as well.

Jeonghan decides to be clingy once he’s out of the shower and stop Seungcheol from doing anything else. He allows himself to seek attention like this when he’s tired, and because he knows Seungcheol would give in.

“You like my midnight greetings and you’re sad you won’t be getting them tonight,” he forces Seungcheol to admit while plastered to his back.

A defeated sigh.

“Okay, I will miss them,” he says obediently and holds Jeonghan’s hand up to kiss his knuckles and convince him. Jeonghan’s satisfied with that and deems it believable enough.

It’s silent again, but Jeonghan rushes to get in some clothes so he can take a peek at his children. He’s with them almost every hour of the day, he feels weird having spent today at the office for so long for the first time in months.

They’re both sleeping soundly, Chan in his crib and Seungkwan in his bed with railings still on it. He enters the room on his tiptoes, because only God knows what they’ll do if they wake up and see him. He steals a kiss on both of their foreheads when he hears Seungcheol’s steps getting near. He’s the one plastered to Jeonghan’s back this time and it almost makes him sigh contentedly. He’s so tired and the mere fact of standing in this room with his family could make him _cry,_ so he has to get it together.

“You see? Angels,” Seungcheol says pointedly and just like that, the ball of too intense feelings in Jeonghan’s throat and chest dissolves with a hushed chuckle.

“Only when they’re sleeping,” Jeonghan says turning in Seungcheol’s hold to look at him.

“You know I was talking about you too, right? I agree with that sentiment.”

Jeonghan pinches his stomach, and Seungcheol barely muffles his gasp. “You think you’re so funny,” he snarls, looking at Seungcheol silently make a fuss while rubbing his hand where Jeonghan pinched him.

“You’re so mean. It’s my birthday,” Seungcheol complains whispering. Jeonghan ushers him out of the room before they end up accidentally waking up the kids.

“Not your birthday yet,” Jeonghan says pushing his husband out and to their bedroom. Exhaustion is catching up to him again, and he feels his muscles wanting to give out and just stop holding him upright.

Seungcheol throws an arm around his shoulders, admittedly, it’s to kind of choke him, but Jeonghan is grateful when he gets to lean his weight on Seungcheol’s side.

He’s shoved onto their bed very rudely and then Seungcheol plops down on top of him, making him lose air for a second.

“Get off,” Jeonghan says as his hands mess with Seungcheol’s hair because he knows he loves it.

“No,” he says. And that’s the end of their discussion.

At least until they properly get under the cover and cuddle in a more comfortable way.

“Happy birthday,” he whispers against Seungcheol’s neck, falling asleep already, eyes closing on their own.

“Thanks,” he thinks he hears, along with a kiss to the top of his head.

Out of pure habit, Jeonghan’s body stirs earlier than he would’ve liked. It’s not as early as every day, but it’s still 8 am. He stretches his body and feels Seungcheol’s body next to him. He has his back to Jeonghan, which is a perfect opportunity to 1) spoon him, 2) surprise him like he could not do last night.

While he hugs Seungcheol from behind and nuzzles at the nape of his neck, Jeonghan is thankful it’s Saturday. He usually does not have that much work on Saturdays (and given the almost twelve-hour day he had yesterday, he’s sure of that today.) For a few years now, Seungcheol has made sure to plan his schedules at the hospital beforehand to have a day off on both his and Jeonghan’s birthdays.

They don’t have to work today, but they do have a schedule to follow, especially with the kids, so they have to get up soon.

He blows a raspberry on Seungcheol’s nape as loud as he can and pokes and tickles his sides too.

Seungcheol’s loud groan is everything Jeonghan’s wanted to hear.

As his husband covers the back of his neck with his hands and hides beneath the covers, Jeonghan climbs on top of him.

“Good morning to you, beautiful, marvellous husband,” he says a tad too loudly, making Seungcheol hide his face beneath a pillow he promptly takes away, and kisses Seungcheol’s puffy face to vex him even more at this early hour. “It’s your birthday! You can’t waste the day away, get up,” he continues while kicking at Seungcheol’s legs.

“Why do I put up with you?” Seungcheol grumbles, finding one of Jeonghan’s hands and holding it tightly to stop his poking around.

“Not sure, something about loving me forever,” Jeonghan says a bit softer now, endeared at how Seungcheol is finally looking him at him with a frown and as sleepy as he can look. “Happy birthday,” he says again, ruffling his hair, which adds a pout to his face.

“I don’t think I should thank you,” he says still squinting his eyes at Jeonghan and making him smile even more. He loves this.

The monitor on their room comes to life when Seungkwan starts chanting. “Awake! Awake! Awake!”

Seungcheol raises his eyebrow at the words. “What’s that, his call to duty?”

“He learnt the word a week ago and that’s how he calls now,” Jeonghan says, already getting up.

“Let me, I’ll bring him here,” Seungcheol says. For all his displeasure at his morning congratulations, he’s now insistently tugging on Jeonghan to have him lie next to him.

“You can’t, his doctor said to take him to the potty immediately to avoid accidents,” Jeonghan looks at him with a smirk and he tries to get up but he is stopped again.

“Well, he’s an idiot, Seungkwan would never—”

Jeonghan elbows him in the stomach.

“You’re the worst,” Seungcheol yells as Jeonghan runs away laughing.

“Don’t you dare move!” Jeonghan adds before crossing the door to the hallway.

In the kids’ room, Jeonghan tends to Seungkwan happily. He’s seated on his bed waiting, and smiles and stands up as soon as his eyes find Jeonghan’s.

They have this part of their morning routine down to a well-practiced dance now. Seungkwan talks his ear off as best as a three-year-old can, and Jeonghan hums and replies accordingly, listening to what they did yesterday at their grandparents’ place. He continues chattering from his bed while Jeonghan carefully lifts Chan out of his crib and places him on top of the changer to get rid of his diaper.

The difference this time is that when he’s finished with Chan, he holds the awake child up to his chest and turns to Seungkwan with a huge grin and says “today’s dad’s birthday!”

Seungkwan gasps and his eyes widen so comically Jeonghan wishes he could take a picture.

“Cake!” he says immediately.

Of course, that’s what he’s worried about.

“We have that, baby, but we have to say ‘happy birthday’ to daddy first, okay?”

Seungkwan nods solemnly and holds his arms up, asking for help to get out of the bed, and when his feet touch the floor, he’s dashing out of the room so fast Jeonghan can’t even scold him for running in the house.

“Hyung,” Chan says, looking at where his brother used to be, and Jeonghan praises him immediately and places kisses all over his face, making the baby laugh heartily.

“He’s with daddy now,” Jeonghan explains.

“Daddy,” Chan parrots. He repeats everything now and Jeonghan has so much fun with it.

“Let’s go say happy birthday, okay, baby?” Jeonghan mumbles while making his way back to their room, Chan saying ‘birthday’ as best as he can and unlocking more and more kisses from Jeonghan.

Seungkwan is already under the covers with Seungcheol when he sees them. Jeonghan could almost roll his eyes at that, but the sight renders him incapable to tease this one time.

They’re both lying on their sides, Seungkwan’s head pillowed in Seungcheol’s arm, looking up at him and asking him about birthday cake.

“Did you even say happy birthday?” Jeonghan inquires tickling Seungkwan’s neck and underarms.

“Yes!” he shrieks, hiding more into Seungcheol’s hold, asking for protection. Of course, Seungcheol hugs him back and kisses his temple.

Something squeezes Jeonghan’s heart in his chest. They’re sitting against the headboard now, both children in Seungcheol’s lap, tugging on his ears and hair, kissing him obligingly when Seungcheol declares something was too painful. It’s so similar to the first morning the kids spent here, Jeonghan almost feels too emotional again.

It’s not even been a year, no one could blame for feeling like this.

Because, yes, he’s tired all the time. Yes, Seungcheol and him can’t still agree on something consistent on how to ground the children or how to put a quick end to tantrums. Yes, he has not been out with friends in months because he’s tired all the time. Yes, the house is a mess every day now, not even their bedroom saved from it sometimes.

But he loves them so much. There’s nothing of that that compares to the feeling of waking up to his children. To know that they’re growing up healthily and smothered with love and affection gives Jeonghan’s heart the thrashing of his life, because it’s a lot of work, but he can’t imagine what his life would be like without them now.

And God, the look on Seungcheol’s face. It kicks Jeonghan’s heart for good and then nurtures it back to health. It’s not like marriage has made Jeonghan bored of their relationship, but this twist has definitely given him more than he could have ever hoped for and he loves every step he’s taking with Seungcheol by his side.

Overrun with love and the cheesy words he won’t let out today (but that Seungcheol knows anyway,) he climbs on top of his husband’s lap too, straddling him and holding the children in place in between them. He squeezes them, and the added weight is making Seungcheol complain a bit too dramatically, Jeonghan must say.

He leans in to kiss Seungcheol’s mouth above the children’s head. Jeonghan can’t say with much certainty if Seungkwan really finds their displays of affection that much disgusting already, but the kid still yells loudly when the kiss lingers two seconds too long, and that makes Chan yell too. It all just makes them smile into it and Jeonghan _has to _peck Seungcheol once more before leaving his lap to settle beside him.

They stay in bed for another peaceful minute. Seungcheol tells Seungkwan they can do whatever he wants today. But he doesn’t get to hear his answer, because he can see Chan lying on his belly, slipping slowly from the edge of the bed towards the floor.

“Just where are you going?” Jeonghan says and he gets up to catch Chan on the floor, already trying to run off. “This is our cue to make breakfast,” he says as he scoops Chan up on his hip.

Seungcheol smiles and holds Seungkwan in his arms too. He’s fast and before Jeonghan realises what he’s doing, Seungcheol holds his waist with one arm and kisses his lips briefly again, but Seungkwan separates them with his own, small hands this time and says “gross!”

To aggravate him more, Jeonghan kisses Seungcheol’s cheek and Chan’s too, and makes a show of kissing Seungkwan all over his face.

That’ll teach him.

Seungcheol starts telling why kissing is definitely _ not _gross but Seungkwan is too impatient for that because cartoons start soon dad, hurry up.

Jeonghan trails behind with Chan drooling as he babbles on, trying to copy his hyung. Jeonghan tsks and uses his sleeve to clean it up. He had to get used to that quite fast.

They take advantage of the break cartoons offer to do their morning routines and breakfast in no time, and maybe Jeonghan is set on making Seungcheol feel even more special on his birthday, as he keeps patting his ass and kissing him when they cross paths in the kitchen.

Seungcheol tries to look annoyed, but he just kisses back and pinches Jeonghan’s ass with more force than appreciation.

In the middle of one kiss, the kids call, arguing over toys already, and yes, this is all Jeonghan could ever want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you listen to the tryguys's podcasts you know where i got the idea for seungkwan's waking up call from lmao  
i hope you've liked this!! and that you're enjoying all of the updates for his birthday <3  
you can talk to me on [tw](https://twitter.com/juncheolies?s=09) too  
have a lovely day!


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family, friends, school, life.
> 
> Jeonghan and Seungcheol look at all of it and couldn't love it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at this baby it's finally officially finished!
> 
> (this is not proofread yet but i am impatient lmao so please forgive any mistakes i will get to them tomorrow)

“Where did your kids get all this energy? I swear it’s from neither of you,” Joshua complains when he plops down on their couch. “I won’t move again,” he declares.

“If you don’t help Jeonghan with the food, he’s going to hunt you down,” Seungcheol comments while wrestling with Chan on the other side of the couch. Chan is almost two years old now and he’s brought more chaos and noise to the house than they ever expected. He was a quiet baby, only revealing a mischievous side on very specific occasions (while getting dressed, while playing hard with Seungkwan,) but other than that, he was easy to take care of.

Someday, he just decided he had enough. And now he’s standing on Seungcheol’s legs while trying to climb over his head. Seungcheol does not know what he wants to achieve, but he thinks it’s best to delay it as much as possible, unless he falls down from the back of the couch.

They’re having a get-together at their house. One would think having half a dozen more adults and two more kids to play with his sons would relieve Jeonghan and Seungcheol, but it’s not like that. It takes a while for Chan to warm up to guests. He frowns at them when they talk to him and whines if his parents are out of sight. They know it’d be worst to push him onto other people, so one of them always stays with him and eases him into the new atmosphere.

Chan pulls on Seungcheol’s hair and laughs at the groan it earns from his dad. Joshua laughs too, ignoring his warning entirely.

Seungkwan is busy with Minhao’s kid, Mingyu, tiring out his other uncles. They had been playing _ Just Dance _enthusiastically, until they realised beating Joshua and Soonyoung half the time was not good enough, and decided to go draw instead. They went upstairs about two minutes ago and haven’t come back, so Seungcheol knows a disaster awaits him.

It’s been some time since the kids meet all of their friends and their children. It was nice to see them all surrounded by people who loved them, apart from their direct family. They were really loved and easy to give in to. Seungcheol could attest to that.

Seungkwan, Chan, Mingyu and Seokmin were all chaotic kids and while they entertained themselves for some time, they always targeted one of their uncles to play with them. Mingyu’s little sister was too young to engage, but they loitered around her and Junhui a lot nonetheless.

They are all still so small. Seungcheol loves them so much it makes him so annoying at times.

“You’d have more energy when you get a kid yourself,” Seungcheol points out to Joshua, who rolls his eyes.

“I think it’s the opposite,” he says while pointedly looking at Jihoon dozing off on an armchair.

“He was like that even before Seokmin.”

“I hear you, asshole,” Jihoon grumbles at the same time Soonyoung enters with Seokmin in hand. He’s also nervous around people at first, even if he’s Mingyu’s age and he remembers them better than Chan can. Jihoon shuts up and opens his eyes immediately, calling Seokmin to him.

Seungcheol gives Joshua a look, as if to say,_ are you __seeing_ _this? _

It’s a mess and it’s loud. Music is playing from the TV now and adults are keeping loud conversations over the volume. The kids are even louder, the four of them laughing at something together, even though Seungkwan sometimes doesn’t want play with Chan because he’s still a baby. Seungcheol is relieved Mingyu and Seokmin are sweet enough to not run away from Chan’s sticky fingers or sometimes brusque moments of excitement.

He’s teased for being like this – always checking on them. He does not even notice he’s doing it until he’s brought back to whatever other situation is taking place calls to him. Their friends always tell him he’s going to suffer so much when they are teenagers, and even Jeonghan makes fun of him for not expecting to be the overprotective parent.

“It was obvious,” he had said, “even my parents knew it with certainty.”

At least Seungcheol is sure Jeonghan does not sound annoyed about it. Maybe amused, but it’s all positive.

“C’mon, leave them alone,” Minghao pushes him away from the living room where the kids are gathered around Soonyoung again. That alone makes him want to stay, but at least Wonwoo is there too, so he goes to the garden where he’s got to help set the table or Jeonghan and Junhui will kill him, Minghao warns him.

“It’s not like they cooked much. They’re just bossy,” he complains.

“Yet we are married to both of them respectively. What’s your excuse for that?”

Seungcheol shuts up and grabs drinks for everyone.

They start without the children first, pouring a few glasses of soju or beer for everyone who wants them and just clinking them together without really much of a reason. They’re just glad to meet after two rough months of work for everyone.

A while later, Soonyoung and the kids literally march into the garden in line (except for Chan, who’s on Soonyoung’s arms), singing a song that’s trending right now.

Maybe it is because Seungcheol hasn’t seen Mingyu and Seokmin in some time, but he’s so endeared by the sight he can’t help instantly reaching for his phone to try to film the little scene.

He barely records four seconds when Chan is handed over to him because Soonyoung is starving, as he loudly claims. Most of the guys are not sitting at the table just yet, just walking around talking and settling the kids first. Seungcheol just sat the kids down and is about to find glasses and food when Jeonghan brings everything with him and starts cutting the meat and some vegetables in tiny pieces.

“Entertain your guests,” Jeonghan orders him. Seungcheol knows it means _ go and eat _in Jeonghan language, but he still responds.

“They are your guests too, you know,” he complains but goes up to the grill anyway.

He gets to hold Junhui and Minghao’s daughter for a while, to catch up with Soonyoung about the school Seokmin goes to and that Seungkwan will start attending next year. Jeonghan’s mom suggested trying daycare for a year, but neither of them, sentimental wimps, wanted. Especially since they still could look after Seungkwan at home. There was no need to rush that.

When he finally finds himself near the grill, he’s met with a frowning Wonwoo taking care of the meat.

“Hey,” he starts, “need any help? We could switch,” Seungcheol offers.

“Oh, no, it’s okay,” Wonwoo says quickly. He grabs a plate and places many pieces on and takes it to the table, where everyone surges for it. Seungcheol huffs, and grabs a piece directly from the grill.

Wonwoo is not eating.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Wonwoo replies immediately and looks confused for a second when he seems to realise that they’re sort of alone and that they’re not making any attempt at conversation. “I have just been thinking,” Wonwoo starts, “about the kids a lot lately.”

Oh. 

Seungcheol wouldn’t dare take a guess at this, but he has a hunch.

Before he could utter another word, Wonwoo goes on, “I know what you’re thinking. But I don’t know if I suddenly feel like I want kids because everyone has gotten them one way or another, or because I really do. I haven’t even talked to Shua-hyung about it.”

_That _he did not expect.

“Why haven’t you?” he tries to be gentle about it, not recriminating, but Wonwoo sighs and rubs his neck anyway.

“I don’t know,” he groans, “he’s just never brought it up, you know? Even when we babysit, it seems as if he’s never even thought about it. And I don’t know how to confront that.”

Seungcheol can’t help the snort he lets out.

“Hyung, I’m having a crisis here,” Wonwoo says and punches his shoulder for good measure. Seungcheol just smiles and is interrupted again when Chan stumbles against his legs. He hears Jeonghan calling out to him _ he’s sick of me already _ somewhere behind him and just coos at Chan and scoops him up on his hip.

Most of Chan’s moments of clinginess are directed at Seungcheol, while Seungkwan seems to seek Jeonghan more often. Seungcheol thinks it’s only natural that they would be clingier to either of them. God knows Seungcheol never let his mom’s side when he was a child. It made Jeonghan a bit worried at first, but then he realised it didn’t have to do with being uncomfortable or anything negative, it was just instinctual affinity.

Or maybe Seungcheol just had more patience to deal with Chan’s endless energy.

“Jeonghan was insecure about bringing up the topic of adoption because he thought I may not want children, or that it may strain our relationship,” Seungcheol says after he finds Chan’s cup and settles him in his arms. It’s really funny to him how similar their situations are. Jeonghan and Joshua had to keep up the twins act even for things like this.

“But you love kids,” Wonwoo argues.

“That doesn’t mean I would obviously want children of my own.”

“But you did want them.”

“Yeah, I did.”

They stay silent for a while, and when Wonwoo finally decides to eat something, Chan throws himself at him. Wonwoo takes him in his arms easily.

“How did that conversation go?” Wonwoo asks when Chan stops slapping and squishing his face with his little hands.

“It went well of course. Once he got it out, it was pretty easy to talk about everything that was worrying him, and to be honest about it.”

“So I really should just spring it up on him?” Wonwoo mumbles as he grabs a napkin to wipe Chan’s face. He somehow manages to spill half of his cup on himself and Wonwoo, but his friend doesn’t seem annoyed at all. Seungcheol delays his reply to look at Wonwoo making faces at Chan, and sneaks a glance behind them to find Joshua at the table.

He doesn’t miss the look on his face. He can’t put words to it, but he knows something there is definitely worth discussing.

“Stop being a baby,” Seungcheol says and pushes Wonwoo right after holding Chan in one arm. “Talk to your boyfriend, you’re an adult,” he punches his shoulder several times and Wonwoo retaliates as best as he can without touching Chan, who is trying to mess with them too.

Even if it’s not certain, he can’t help the smile. The idea of everyone in their group of friends being parents feels surreal. Weird. And the same time, it makes perfect sense. He can’t picture a reunion without the kids present, or at least with the knowledge that someone else is looking after them temporarily.

He loves the idea of one or two more nephews. But he’ll wait. He’ll support whatever decision they make.

“What’s up with you two? There are enough children here as it is,” Jeonghan says next to them now. He takes Chan with him, not minding that he’s got a hold of both Seungcheol’s and Wonwoo’s hair in his little fists, and ignoring the yelps they both let out. Chan is strong.

“I’ll go see if I can do something about this shirt,” Wonwoo says and this time, the hand on Seungcheol’s shoulder is gentle. “Thanks, hyung.”

“It’s nothing, go get that cleaned up.”

Jeonghan raises an eyebrow at him when Wonwoo leaves. “You look like you know something. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Seungcheol is quick to reply. He knows Jeonghan won’t believe him, but he has to shut up. It’s not his business to tell.

He’s ready to endure his insistence until he forgets about it. It could take months, or as long as Wonwoo and Joshua take to come to a decision.

“C’mon,” Jeonghan whines, “tell me what you know!”

Seungcheol laughs and kisses him to shut him up. It’s chaste but slightly longer than usual, and when Seungcheol’s arm surrounds Jeonghan’s waist, he can feel Jeonghan leaning his weight on him, smiling into the kiss until Seungcheol pulls away and says “nope!”

Jeonghan storms off with Chan. It’s fine, they will have this conversation several times soon, so he’ll just wait.

The rest of the evening happens without any more crises. When the sky is completely dark, the kids are completely passed out in their room, where they were dragged earlier by their parents. Sohee, Mingyu’s baby sister, is using Chan’s crib, and Chan is on the big boy bed that he’s already used a few times out of pure impatience, but he still prefers the crib.

Much later, when their friends leave, Seungcheol finds Jeonghan in the kids’ room, getting them properly under the covers, mumbling comforting words to them when they stir.

It’s quiet after that. They don’t really need to say anything else. They’re too exhausted to do so anyway. It’s warm under the covers after such a long, eventful day. They kiss briefly as goodnight, and the weight of Jeonghan’s body against him brings him peaceful sleep.

Jeonghan’s teeth are determined to chew on his lip and he can’t help it. He’s anxious, and he knows it’s normal and not dumb (as his brain keeps repeating) but he really wishes he could get rid of this fear, reasonable or not.

The little bag on the table mocks him. It does not even need many things – a change of clothes, some snacks, and the booklet required by the school where the kids will work.

Seungkwan turned four in January and tomorrow, he starts pre-school.

To be brief, Jeonghan’s been sort of panicking over this.

It’s not even about Seungkwan he’s worried about, if he’s completely honest. He’s social, sweet and polite. Jeonghan’s sure he’ll make thousands of friends and charm all the adults there.

He’s not worried about Chan either. He may cry a little when he realises that he can’t follow Seungkwan out of the house, but he’s easily occupied. And Junhui will drop by a few times a week with Sohee, so he’ll be fine.

He’s worried about eventually going back to the office. About changes and time passing, about Seungcheol telling him he’s crazy for thinking about what he’s thinking –

“Hey, Seungkwan wants you here!” Seungcheol’s voice yells from the bathroom.

He reschedules his overthinking for later and runs up to where his children are refusing to bathe without him present.

Seungkwan is submerged in the corner of the bathtub, clutching some rubber animal to his chest while splashing Seungcheol’s face and laughing. He’s got some shampoo in his hair too, as if he suddenly just decided that he did not want Seungcheol to bathe him anymore.

“What did daddy do to you, huh?” he asks as he gets closer to Seungkwan and lets Seungcheol deal with Chan. He doesn’t know how Chan stayed passive through all of that. He’s playing with the bubbles happily, splashing a little too.

“He took the toys away,” Seungkwan complains with a sigh, as if he can’t believe he has to tell Seungcheol this again. It makes Seungcheol grumble under his breath that he wasn’t try to do that. Jeonghan still laughs at him.

It’s always easier with the both of them there. They mostly talk about school tomorrow, what Seungkwan is nervous or excited about, what he wants to do. It’s no use thinking about what _their _expectations are – they’ve been talking about them for weeks now.

“What will Channie do?” Seungkwan suddenly asks, “he can’t come with me.”

He’s looking more concerned than ever since they told him about school. Even if both of them have managed to be on their own sometimes, they’re usually always together. This will be the first time they won’t be constantly around each other.

“He’ll stay with papa,” Seungcheol explains. “And sometimes Sohee will visit him so he won’t feel alone.”

“Not fair,” Seungkwan whines, and now his worries are completely different. “I want to see Sohee too!”

“I’m sure she’ll still be here when you come back from school, baby,” Jeonghan amends. Junhui is aware of how much all the kids love Sohee, so he’s sure he’ll indulge Seungkwan for a little bit.

“Okay,” Seungkwan sulks, and Jeonghan gets him out and wraps him in a towel before soothing him with kisses. He’ll get to Chan later.

The routine with the kids is equal parts exhausting and reassuring. Sure, after 6 pm, Jeonghan could pass out at any minute given a flat surface. They both are that tired. But it’s also rewarding hearing Seungkwan’s stories, Chan’s first sentences, to receive their smiles, laughter and affection. It fills Jeonghan’s heart, spreads through his body and keeps him on his feet through the week, the month, the year.

It’s barely been more than a year.

Jeonghan knows time is a lie and all that, but also _just _a year? Sometimes he feels as if he’s birthed these kids himself.

Again, that’s his brain ridiculing him, but maybe the attachment – the_ love _– should not be feeling this strong after only a year?

He tries and fails to determine a reasonable correlation between time and affection, tries to use Seungcheol as an example. It’s futile, mostly because he can’t remember a timeline in order. It’s more like bits and pieces there of love and the hardships that tested it.

“Goodnight,” Seungcheol says to Seungkwan, and as always, he’s so annoying about it that Seungkwan is squirming and yelling and not relaxed _ at all _ like Jeonghan left him a minute ago. There’s no point in trying to stop his man-child husband, and Seungkwan enjoys it anyway. “We’ll leave together tomorrow, bud, be ready,” he says with a final kiss to Seungkwan’s cheek that Seungkwan keeps on his face this time.

While Seungcheol gives Chan the same treatment, Jeonghan kisses Seungkwan’s forehead softly and whispers his goodnight. After he’s done the same to Chan, he’s ready to collapse in bed.

Reassuring. Soothing, even.

It’s been a more tiring Sunday than usual, in addition to Jeonghan’s anxiety over school the next day. And he _knows _Seungcheol knows. They can feel this weird loop at this point, where they’re aware something’s going on but neither wants to break it first.

The bed is cold when Jeonghan just decides to lie in it without even bothering to move under the comforter or sheets. He’s just there when Seungcheol finds him and stifles a laugh.

“Comfortable?” he asks while sitting down.

“Yeah. A lot.”

“Enough not to move?”

“Definitely.”

He’s about to doze off when he realises Seungcheol has gone to change and come back; and decided to nudge his sleeping body until there’s enough room on his side of the bed to get properly under the covers.

“You’re so mean,” Jeonghan whines and finally moves.

“I know how to deal with you,” Seungcheol retorts and welcomes him in his embrace in spite of Jeonghan’s flippant “whatever you say.”

This he can welcome. Settling down has added meaning to the bed they share. It’s where most important discussions take place. It’s where they still love each other the most – where they talk about doubts and fears and it’s where the kids climb in between them on cold Sunday mornings. Well, Seungkwan does and demands either of them goes back and bring Chan. Soon they both will come on their own.

He can’t wait for it. He maybe wants Chan to use the crib forever, he wouldn’t mind getting up for him. But he also can’t wait for it.

“What’s going on?” Seungcheol loses. He asked first.

“Seungkwan starts school tomorrow.”

“Right, he’s starting school. Not you, you know.”

How dare he. Jeonghan hits his shoulder, but takes a deep breath. He doesn’t want to stutter when he brings it up. “I’m just getting ready. Next year, he may not be the only one.”

Seungcheol is, predictably, confused. “But we agreed to not send Chan to daycare next year? If you want to go back to work at the office, you know he can stay with–”

“I’m not talking about him.”

Jeonghan’s voice is barely above a whisper. He watches Seungcheol’s face morph with several emotions in about two seconds. And then he just asks, as softly as Jeonghan, “what?”

“I think I want to go back to school. Finish grad school, finally get my social work license.”

It’s out now. This thing, this idea that has been eating at him for months now – it's finally out and free and not only his anymore. He’s so relieved he almost wishes to stop talking there and just go to sleep.

But Seungcheol is so awake right now.

“When were you going to tell me? That’s amazing, Jeonghan.”

He’s so good. Always has been, open and supportive and everything younger and cynical and too scared Jeonghan needed.

“I just– I needed some time to figure myself” _everything_ “out.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Seungcheol gushes, as elated outside as Jeonghan feels inside. He knows this is something Jeonghan’s wanted for a while. He just never made the time for it, too contented with their life.

Because it’s been a wonderful life. He knows they’re so extremely lucky.

That doesn’t mean he’s afraid of challenges and change anymore. His growing kids prove it to him every day.

“Thanks, Cheol,” he answers with a long, slow kiss to Seungcheol’s lips.

That’s one of the things he gets to treasure. And he knows he’s on the way to find so many more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe this is here! i love this fic so much so i really wanted to give it some semblance of a closed ending. i hope you've all liked it! please let me know your thoughts here, or you can find me on [tw](https://twitter.com/juncheolies?s=09) or [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/juncheolies)
> 
> i've also written an extended author's note for this story [here](https://purplepinkskies.dreamwidth.org/323.html) in case any of you is interested in reading it. it got ramble-ish and personal, so if you go there, you've been warned lol

**Author's Note:**

> if you'd made it to this point, THANK YOU SO MUCH. this is much, incredibly much longer than i planned for it to be. i will try to update with snippets of their lives together. if you have any suggestion or anything you'd like to see please let me know in the comments. you can also talk to me on [tw](https://twitter.com/juncheolies?s=09) or [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/juncheolies), i would love to hear from you.


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